


Such a Pretty Face

by Abi (justabi)



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Challenge Response, Jealousy, Multi, Pining, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-23
Updated: 2004-08-23
Packaged: 2017-10-02 08:54:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justabi/pseuds/Abi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex and Lois are driving Clark insane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Such a Pretty Face

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [CLFF 9th Wave, Alien!Clark](http://www.kardasi.com/ClexFest/IX/index.htm) challenge (prompt listed at the end of the story...)
> 
> Thank you so much to CJ, without whom I would never have finished this. She kept me from going in a million directions, told me to add stuff in just the right places and squeed on cue. Total Rock Star!!! And thank you Roxy for betaing and boosting my ego. Plus, when I begged, Aurora Bee made me the most perfect cover. Thank you, you goddess!

 

Clark could hear them through the walls no matter how many rooms were in between. He and Lex had bedrooms on the complete opposite ends of the penthouse just for this reason. He should have insisted on lead lined walls, because, really, modern soundproofing just wasn't enough. _God_, _what the hell are they doing in there_? A flicker of x-ray vision and Clark had his answer. _How in God_'_s name is that possible_? That kind of acrobatic sex should really only be engaged in by circus freaks. _Good Lord_! _Must leave_. _Must leave_, *_now_*.

Superman flew over the dark city, protecting its residents from crime and its savior from having his eyes burned out of his head. He looped above the skyscrapers and parks, listening keenly for any indication that he was needed down below. Listened for anything that wasn't his best friend and his partner screwing like it was an audition for Cirque Du Soleil. Oh, man, now he was never going to be able to watch that again, and he really liked Varekai. _Grrr_. He focused his hearing on the penthouse for just a second, long enough to know that it wasn't safe to go back yet.

With nothing better to do and no one providing even a thin excuse for Superman to fight crime, Clark changed back into street clothes and walked over to Jimmy Olsen's apartment. He could have employed a little burst of inhuman speed, but instead he took the Metro three stops and arrived at his friend's door a little over an hour later. If he thought about it, which he most emphatically did not, he could still hear the ragged breaths and muffled screams that he was desperate to escape. Lois would have to be a screamer. Those blond twins Lex brought back from Geneva last summer couldn't possibly have been that loud, and there were two of them.

"Jimmy," Clark yelled as he pounded on the door. Past experience had taught him that the current occupant of the apartment wouldn't wake up for a polite knock.

"CK? Is that you?" Jimmy asked groggily. The sound of the chain and deadbolt being unlocked came before Clark had time to respond. The skinny kid in plaid boxers and an ancient Ramones t-shirt rubbed his eyes against the light from the hallway and leaned against the doorframe. "Lois over at your place, again?"

"You have no idea how much I hate her some times," Clark muttered under his breath while nodding grimly. He fell heavily on the ratty couch and toed off his shoes. "Thanks Jimmy."

"Mi couch es su couch. Here," Jimmy handed him a flat pillow and a scruffy afghan, before padding back into the dark bedroom.

* * *

"Missed you at breakfast this morning, Smallville," Lois grinned evilly into her coffee mug. "You look a little wrinkled, too. You got a girlfriend somewhere I don't know about?"

Clark snorted in response. He pushed his bulky, plastic glasses up his nose and swatted at the too long tangle of hair falling in front of his eyes. "You know I am waiting for you, Lois," he said wryly.

"Hearts are breaking all over Kansas, farm boy."

"It's possible."

"So is getting a clean cab with a courteous driver following the traffic laws in downtown Metropolis, but I won't hold my breath."

"You are such a cynic."

"You know it. Have you got the data I asked for on the redistricting bill yet?"

"Of course I do. What exactly are you looking for? They redistrict Metropolis every other year around here. It's not like they are cutting across party lines to get some kind of advantage. That area of Murray Hill has such low voter turn out that no one ever even bothers campaigning there."

"I don't know, but I just have a feeling about this one. Why would they create an entirely new legislature seat to represent an area so apathetic that they don't even care that they aren't being represented? It just doesn't make sense. And have you seen the shape of the new district? It is like someone intentionally grabbed up all the low voting areas of the surrounding four districts and slapped them together. Met U campus is even in it."

"Hey, don't knock my alma mater. They do voter registration all over campus. My people vote."

"Sure, on the presidential elections they get a whopping thirty seven percent turn out of registered voters. But not even a quarter of those bastions of civic duty bother to vote in local and statewide elections."

"Like you voted in local elections when you were 19."

"I'll have you know that I voted in every election since I was 18, state, federal and local."

"What was I thinking, you probably voted for student government and homecoming royalty in college." Clark rolled his eyes dramatically.

"I had to support my sorority sisters," Lois defended, just a little indignantly. "Besides, I have it on good authority that you didn't vote until you were 25."

"I don't know what you are talking about, Ms. Lane. I am a now, and have always been a model of civic mindedness. Any and all information pertaining to my past that you receive from a certain bald dead man should be treated as the psychotic delusions that they are." Lois giggled and then pulled on her serious reporter face.

"What about the time that you got caught making out with a picture of Britney Spears while wearing neon pink lipstick and a tutu after a frat party?"

"Psychotic. Delusion. Never happened. Lex clearly needs more psychiatric care. I'll just call up my contact over at County General and get him set up with a nice bed and lots of medication."

"So long as the nurses are ugly."

* * *

"Lois thinks you have a secret girlfriend. She sent me undercover as your best friend to find hard evidence."

"Your cover is blown. You have already been revealed to be a terrible friend who leaks embarrassing information to his girlfriend like the five year old condom making a grove in my wallet. You told her about the tutu."

"How in God's name am I supposed to keep that sort of thing a secret?"

"You never told any of your other girlfriends about that did you?"

"None of my other girlfriends were reporters who happen to be fascinated with you. You've seen her wheedling information out of people on the job, right? Well, it is like that squared when there's sex involved."

"Just do me a favor and try to refrain from telling any more mortifying stories about me. In fact, anything about Clark Kent is out during pillow talk, okay?"

"I'll make a concerted effort. Now, back to my fact finding mission. New girl?"

"My new girlfriend is a sofa across town where I can't hear my coworkers screaming for Jesus. Lois has a set of lungs on her, despite the mind numbing number of cigarettes she smokes every day in the newsroom."

"I see. We'll try to keep it down."

"Don't you dare tell Lois that I am hiding out because of her. She'll be embarrassed and you know how evil she is when she is embarrassed. Do you remember about two years ago when all those female impersonators kept calling me? Lois took out a personal ad for me after I teased her for having a little corner of the back of her skirt tucked into her pantyhose. I am not looking to have a meaningful relationship with the girl at the phone company who decides if you really need to change your phone number, Lex. I've had two already this year."

"Is that what all that was about," Lex smiled quizzically. "I wondered about that. I almost fixed you up with a friend of mine from boarding school. He looks lovely in chiffon."

"Don't ever make fun of my friends again."

"You have friends?" Clark socked him in the shoulder with barely contained restraint. "Ow. It is a good thing I heal fast."

"Freak."

"Alien."

* * *

Superman had to rescue thirty seven people when the brakes failed on a city bus on the cross-town parkway at rush hour. When he could finally pry himself from the clutches of grateful mass transit riders it was after eight. All he wanted to do was fly home and watch three hours of mindless television, but it was still light out so he couldn't very well just land on his terrace. He followed his usual post rescue routine. He flew off into the sunset, looped around the city until it he could find a safe place to change. He took a taxi home, incidentally not one of Lois's mythical clean cabs.

"Welcome home, Mr. Kent," said the deceptively slender doorman holding open the yellow cab door. Clark knew that he was chosen for this job more for his physical prowess than his admittedly impeccable manners. Security was a concern for Lex. There were muscles under all that navy blue fabric.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Clark, Charles?" Clark smiled.

"Just a few more times." Charles winked at him as he crossed the threshold.

Clark walked through the thick glass doors and into the lobby. He placed his palm on the plate and the elevator door opened in front of him. Seconds later the doors opened into the foyer of the penthouse where he dropped his briefcase unceremoniously. He had lived here too long to be awed by the opulence of the place. He started shedding clothes and shoes as he walked to his room. The trail began with his overcoat followed by shoes and socks, suit jacket, tie, belt. His rumpled dress shirt was tossed casually at the foot of his bed, undershirt flung haphazardly over a lamp, pants in a heap at the door to the bathroom. The boxer briefs were the last thing peeled from his body before the spray of hot water cascaded down his chest.

He leaned into the wet heat like a lover. He hadn't had a lover in ages. Sure, there were any number of slavering women out there just dying do it with Superman, but Clark Kent wasn't nearly as popular with the ladies what with all the times he stood women up and the running off at inappropriate times. Clark had a bad reputation by now, besides all the freaky alien weirdness he had to contend with. And as for the hoards of Superman's admirers, there was something unsavory about the idea of sleeping with someone who felt they owed him for rescuing them or just wanted him because he was famous. He had done it a few time in college, but the first time the Inquisitor ran an `I'm Having Superman's Alien Lovechild' headline, most of the appeal was lost, despite his certainty that he was unable to procreate with human women. `Superman is a Super Freak' killed it for him. Lex sent a framed copy of the front page to Clark's dorm that day. It was _not_ funny. Not funny at all.

The scent of something spicy filled the humid air as Clark rubbed the loofah across his chest. The sensation was nothing at all like the Lava soap he used to get the grime of crime fighting off his body. Lex had given him this new aromatic stuff and stolen the rough bar from his shower the day after he ran out of his own hoity-toity stuff and borrowed Clark's. Actually, replaced without consent might be a more apt description, but the new stuff worked and it smelled nice so he just let it go. The lather the body washing gel produced was impressive and felt slick on his skin. He scrubbed roughly at his body as if he could wash away all the stress of his life. Maybe he could.

A slippery hand strayed from its appointed rounds into seldom visited territory. Blood began to pool in the area, filling it, swelling it with every tentative touch. Memory of the sounds assaulting him last night swam through his mind, Lois' husky voice moaning and screaming. _Fuck_, _oh God_! _Fuck me_, _Lex_! His breath hitched, he leaned back against the cool tile and dropped his other hand to grope his growing erection. _Lex_! Both hands ran down the length in tandem, stroking harder on each pass, rhythm building while the hot throb of his dick took over his entire body. It had been too long for this to last. He moaned, jacking himself with abandon now. Both hands jerked raggedly, thumbs rubbing foreskin brutally through pre-cum until he felt pinpricks of light behind his tightly closed eyes. A soft whimper escaped his lips, his only concession to the unaccustomed pleasure assaulting him. He shuddered and hot cum poured out into the warm sheets of water sluicing off his body.

In the wake of his release he abruptly remembered why he never did this. Instead of washing away the stress of his life, the act left him washed in shame. Even with his eyes closed, imagining another hand, another body, he was disgusted. Nothing else filled him with such perfect self loathing. Much better to be frustrated and reroute the energy to something constructive. Something that didn't remind him that he was doomed to be alone.

* * *

Two days later Clark found himself sleeping on Jimmy's couch again. True to his word, Lex had kept it down, but it hadn't mattered. He knew that it wasn't really their fault, but he grumbled about it to himself anyway. _Stupid Lois_. Why couldn't she just sleep in her own apartment for one goddamn night? Sure Lois lived in a total hole that he could never picture Lex voluntarily entering, but really, she might as well be living at the penthouse for all the time she spent at her place. And it isn't like it would kill them to go a whole day without fucking like bunnies.

How could Lex even stand to be around her that much, anyway? He never spent that much time with anyone, not even at work. He spent as much time closeted in his office away from everyone as possible. And _Lois_? Clark _had_ to spend all day with her, listening to her conspiracy theories and obsession with Superman, or traipsing all over the city ferreting out corporate misconduct and governmental corruption. What could she and Lex possibly have in common to talk about all that time? Not that Clark had ever had any indication what so ever that they spent any time at all _talking_. And that was another thing.

Although Lex had been married three times, he never had the attention span required to sleep with only one woman for long. The shelf life of most of his partners was about three months. But he and Lois had been disturbing Clark's sleep for at least eight months. Lex should have broken up with her months ago, or at least slowed down with her enough to get a little variety in his diet. But he hadn't even had so much as another date at a social function in all that time. That was probably the only up side to the whole thing, as far as Clark was concerned. Because Lois wouldn't be seen with Lex in public, and Lex wasn't seeing anyone else, Clark got to go to all the charity functions and gallery openings and parties. Not that he liked those things, but it was just about the only time he spent with Lex since the bunny fucking marathon started.

Jimmy's couch was uncomfortable. At six foot four Clark was a behemoth that only fit comfortably in a king sized bed. His feet hung off the ends of the lumpy stain magnet in the front room of the one bedroom apartment. He should really buy Jimmy a new one. A nice big one you could really stretch out on. It wasn't like Clark had ever had to pay rent. His property tax was a nightmare, but he didn't have a car. He could afford it. Unfortunately the stupid goodwill reject was about all that would fit in the tiny room.

* * *

"Clark, how long have I lived here?" Lex padded around the kitchen, poured himself a mug of hot caffeinated goodness and dropped down gracefully onto the butter soft suede couch next to Clark.

"Well, let's see. You gave me this place as a graduation gift when I was 21, right after you married Sophie because you said you wouldn't need it anymore. You were married for almost three years before she tried to shoot you for sleeping with that actress, so I guess that makes it about four years now. Why?" Clark answered absently while continuing to read his paper and simultaneously chomp his bagel, tie his shoe and straighten his tie. Returning in the mornings from Jimmy's never quite left him with enough time to take care of everything unless he multitasked.

"Do you mind having me as a roommate?" Lex threw out the question nonchalantly, almost painfully casual in his delivery.

"Of course not, Lex, you are my best friend," Clark said with an earnest note in his voice and a pat on the thigh before returning to his paper. "Not to mention that I could never afford a place like this on my own. I would probably be living in an efficiency or some crappy little place like Jimmy without you."

"You seem to be spending a lot of time there." A leading question, but for the life of him Clark couldn't figure out where it was leading.

"It has a certain charm. Besides, I told you I was seeing his sofa. She is very understanding, a good listener and will sleep with me when ever I want. I think she is the best girlfriend I have ever had. True love and all that, you know." Clark's eyes sparkled for an instant and a grin threatened to spread across his face and there by ruin the effect of his deadpan delivery.

"I actually believe that you're desperate enough to date furniture, given your track record over the last several years, but you can do better than Jimmy's couch. There is a lovely leather sofa at my office, I could introduce you."

"Maybe you could hook me up with a nice Lay-Z-Boy." The corners up Clark's mouth pulled up a little too much at the edges, but the smile never touched the solemnity of his voice.

"There are plenty of lazy boys interning for me this summer, and some of them are even quite nice to look at. I'll make sure to point you in their direction at the company picnic on Saturday."

"I'm not quite ready to give up on women, just yet." The smile moved to his voice and a frown replaced it on his full lips.

"Clark, your most significant relationship with a woman in the last five years has been a single incidence of a second date and you have moved on to dating inanimate objects that need duct tape to keep them from falling apart."

"Bring on the interns."

* * *

The picnic was a disaster as far as Clark was concerned. Normally he loved this event as the one time of the year Lex asked him to come to something that didn't involve tuxedos, suits or other uncomfortable attire. The atmosphere always reminded Clark of the farmers' market days back in Smallville. Often the wave of nostalgia that crashed over him sent him home to his little pond before he even got back to the penthouse, but not today. He hated this.

Every obsequious little toadying intern in the whole company, possibly the whole world because there couldn't possibly be that many of them just in one company, came up to introduce himself to Clark, earning an amused smirk from Lex in return for their troubles. Lex was a dead man. It might have been funny the first few times, but after the fifth or sixth twenty one year old spawn of Satan masquerading as business major clasped his hand and touched his arm and stood just a little too close, the joke got old. But that didn't stop the parade of nubile young men in khaki pants and polo shirts from glad handing him and looking over his shoulder at Lex.

Actually, none of them seemed remotely interested in him. The attention they seemed to be lavishing on him was nothing more than the interest one might pay to their boss's eight year old daughter at the Christmas party, complimenting her new party dress and telling her how nice she sounded when she sang all twelve verses of the twelve days of Christmas. They all watched Lex with an intensity that bordered on obsessive. They looked at him like a pack of starving jackals stares a wounded gazelle. They could pounce any second. How could Lex just stand there with that little smirk while everyone practically salivated on him? It was a little unnerving, really. Invulnerability aside, a stampede of college boys trampling him to get to Lex would be unpleasant.

* * *

"Lex tells me that you're batting for the other team these days, Smallville." Clark tried not to choke on the sip of coffee he had just taken with mixed results.

"What!?" he spluttered as he tried to wipe the coffee off his shirt.

"Something about some hot young interns at the LexCorp picnic." She put on a good teasing facade, but he could see actual interest hiding in the back of her eyes.

"Ah. They were very charming, but alas, my charms didn't work on them any better than the female population of Metropolis. I'm afraid that I am going to have to settle for living vicariously through Lex for a little longer." He injected just enough humor into his tone that she could interpret it either way. He knew not knowing the answer would drive her crazy, but he wanted her to suffer.

"Not even an offer for a pity fuck? What is the world coming to?"

"I know. In college everybody pitied me. Four or five nights a week. I don't know what happened." He left the pronouns vague just to keep her wondering. He knew she would pick up on it and it would only make her more frustrated.

"When you duck out on your dates half way through dinner it's hard to get to the sex part."

"They really should move that part to the beginning. Reduce the tension of getting to know each other right off the bat."

"You would still probably have to break yourself of that nasty habit you have of standing people up. I don't mind, but some girls are picky about that sort of thing."

"That's my problem right there. I should have been flaunting my pathetic life at you all this time instead of wasting all that time trying to get total strangers to feel sorry for me."

"Unfortunately for you, I am a hard, pitiless reporter."

"Heartless. The way you make Lex beg for mercy is just cruel."

"Mercy is for those less fortunate and those who don't know any better. Come on, we have to get over to his press conference for the groundbreaking on his new urban renewal project. As if we need more sleek, modern buildings crowding the skyline."

* * *

The groundbreaking ceremony for the new LexCorp Urban Renewal Enterprise (LURE) was fairly standard. Lex unveiled the scale models of the different phases of the project. The buildings looked sleek and modern, but the brick facades and classic lines made them fit in perfectly with the surrounding warehouse district. Most of those old buildings would be converted to lofts in the second phase of the project.

Lex gave a speech and dug a shovel full of dirt out of the ground. He projected that the project would _lure_ approximately twenty thousand people into the city and with them and estimated $3.2 billion in business ventures over the ten years that it would take to complete all four phases. Everyone clapped and he took questions. Jimmy got some nice pictures. Lois asked a number of standard questions and then they returned to the Planet to write it up.

* * *

"How can you eat that crap?"

"Count Chocula is not crap. It is a middle class delicacy."

"I noticed you forsook your girlfriend the couch last night. I was beginning to feel like one of those unfortunate girls you pretend to date. Or those heartbroken interns. They were falling all over themselves and you ignored them the whole time. I couldn't get them to work at all on Monday with all the pouting and whining."

"They were falling all over themselves over you. No one ever notices me when you are with in a five mile radius."

"I beg to differ. Not a soul pays me a whit of attention when you are flying around in your pajamas with a sheet tied around your neck."

"I only did that once, and only because you burned all my uniforms."

"I thought that maybe you would come to your senses and wear your underwear on the inside of your clothes if I got rid of that monstrosity you insist on leaving the house in every time a kitten needs saving."

"It's all your fault. You and your Warrior Angel comics putting horrible ideas into my mother's head. Spandex, Lex! And you encouraged her. _Martha_, _you are an excellent seamstress_. Kiss ass. I am never forgiving you for that."

"At least I didn't suggest rubber."

* * *

Drinking seemed like a good idea when he started, but now he wasn't so sure. Details on how he had gotten here were sketchy in his mind. He remembered flying to the city to help rescue an elephant in the flooded zoo after he had seen the situation on the news at noon. She was too big to be saved by conventional means and she would have drowned had Superman not come and saved her. He stayed and spent the entire afternoon and evening helping with the rest of the city. Something about one of the rescue workers caught his attention and when they were finished for the night Clark had accepted the invitation to go out for a night on the town.

And now he was drenched, sitting in a bar in Prague and drinking absinthe like milk fresh from the cow back home. Normally, Clark stayed away from green crystals, but he was feeling particularly self destructive when he arrived in the Czech Republic. The first time he saw a woman preparing absinthe, he was mesmerized. He followed the movement of the each drop of water as it melted off the crushed ice, dripped through the sugar cube sitting in the bowl of the straining spoon lying across the mouth of the glass, and then finally falling to rest on the milky green substance below. He ordered the cheap stuff they serve to tourists and loved it, then moved on to the good stuff they kept for the locals. The mixture of bitter and sweet and something earthy appealed to him in a way he didn't bother to examine.

He had tried getting drunk a couple of times in college, but it never had any effect, so he quit trying. But after the day he had just had, he rededicated himself to the task. It wasn't just Kadir, the grumpiest elephant on the face of the Earth, or the thousands of people affected by the flooding all across Europe. It wasn't even the fact that he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in months or that he was completely out of that wonderful soap Lex gave him. Not even that Lois was driving him crazy or that Perry threatened to fire him the next time he fell asleep in a staff meeting. That morning Lex told him that he was going to ask Lois to marry him.

So, drinking. Lots of drinking. Drinking and trying not to think about Lex and Lois getting married. About the inevitable break up that would put him in between a rock and a hard place when Lex drove Lois to try to kill him and then she forced Clark to bail her out of jail. It wouldn't be pretty. He would have to choose sides and that would be all kinds of awkward. It was hard enough as it was to separate his personal and professional lives, but now it would be impossible. She would make him insane with the bitching about how evil Lex was once his lawyers raked her over the coals and she ended up paying _him_ alimony. It would be a nightmare.

Worse was the line of thinking that lead not to the impending doom of the relationship, but to the possible impact of its success. Lois would move in, of course and then he would never sleep again. Wait, no that was wrong. Lex would move out. That was worse than permanent insomnia. Lex was the only person that Clark could really be himself around. He was comfortable at home in a way he could never be at work or out saving the world and Lex was the reason. He was lonely at the Fortress, and he felt like an alien there more than he ever did when he was surrounded by humans. He was used to Lex being there. Maybe Lois would want to move into the penthouse. She was practically living there anyway.

Or maybe she would say no and they could move straight to the awkward phase with no attempted homicide and a return to the blessed days of the sounds of fornication coming from an endless string of one night stands. Too much to hope for. Best to continue with the binge drinking. Best to pretend that the horrible wrenching pain in his chest might go away. Maybe the strange properties of all that green liquid could make him feel better, if he could only get enough of it. So he drank more. He drank until he could forget that he should be happy for his friends, that he should not feel like this and then he drank some more.

* * *

"Jesus, Clark. What the hell have you been doing, rescuing drowning kittens from a distillery flood?" Lex looked over the morning edition of the Daily Planet from his vantage on the couch. Clark's hair was tangled and hung in his eyes.

"I was just being polite. Jakub asked me to stay and have a drink with him after the rescuing all day. It would have been rude to say no." Clark knocked over a lamp as he floated haphazardly through the French doors into the living room.

"And yet you always do." Lex took an idle sip of coffee, assessing the situation. "Why did you fly off in the middle of our conversation?"

"A hephalump, Lex. I had to save a hephalump or they were just going to shoot her so she wouldn't drown." Clark belched softly and dropped heavily onto Lex. Lex flinched. The smell of alcohol and cum on his breath was almost overwhelming this close. "A cranky hephalump. Verrrry cranky."

"Fuck, Clark. A little help here. God, you weigh a ton." Lex swiped at the big hand pawing at his face.

"I'll have you know that I am a petite, waif-ish thing. I can float, you know." Clark pulled his head back languidly and licked at his full lips.

"I'm sure, but right now you are cutting off the circulation to my legs."

"Carry me," Clark demanded petulantly.

"I thought you couldn't get drunk," Lex said without bothering to hide the hint of skepticism in his voice. Clark shifted around in his lap and wrapped heavy arms around his neck. Lex sucked in a breath and shivered.

"I really applied myself this time. My parents always told me that I could do anything if I really put my mind to it." Clark showed no intention of getting off his lap any time soon.

"I'm sure this is what they had in mind."

"Do you think I'm pretty?" The sincerity in his voice was almost endearing. The batting eyelashes were not.

"You are the prettiest girl at the ball, now float up a little so I can get you into your room." Lex patted Clark's bottom to emphasize the command and felt the weight lift off him.

"How come you never come in my room? I have a very nice room." Lex stood up and Clark's grip tightened around his neck. Lex walked across the room with Clark cradled in his arms weighing no more than a small child.

"Very nice. Watch your head. I don't want to knock a hole in your doorframe. It would be a shame to mar such a nice room with a big, ugly hole." Clark's head burrowed in to the pale expanse of skin where neck met shoulders. Lex felt Clark's breath skate across his throat and hair tickle his ears.

"You're carrying me across the threshold. You should marry me. I'm prettier than Lois. _I feel pretty_, _Oh_, _so pretty_, _I feel pretty and witty and gay_!" Clark's singing voice could cause the deaf to cover their ears.

"Clark, if our friendship means anything to you at all, you will stop singing." Clark pouted, but stopped his caterwauling. Lex was suddenly carrying all of his body weight and swayed dangerously. "Oof. You have to keep floating for this whole scenario to work. Otherwise we are going to be in a big pile at the end of the bed."

"It's a nice bed. You would like it. Much nicer than Jimmy's couch." He floated just long enough for Lex to drop him on the bed.

"I'm not the one who has been sleeping on Jimmy's couch. Help me get this stupid costume off so I can get you in the shower." Lex began to tug at the clasps, trying to get the offensive cape off. He gave up. It would probably come off with the top of the uniform anyway. He lightly ghosted his fingers down Clark's ribcage and up under the tight material.

"No!" Clark shrieked. He couldn't remember right at the moment why it was imperative for him to keep his clothes on, but he knew it was. Lex pulled his fingers away so fast Clark might just have imagined their burning touch in the first place. "I don't want a shower. I'm still wet from Prague."

"Fine," Lex clipped out. "What ever you want. I have to get to the office."

"No, stay here today," Clark whined. "Did I mention how nice my bed is? You can borrow my pajamas."

"Thanks, but I have my own pajamas. Maybe you should put on your pajamas. No? _Fine_. Get under the covers." He pulled up the covers and walked to the door. He didn't bother hiding the mask of irritation covering his face.

"Don't go. I'm scared of the dark."

"I'll call Lois and tell her that you aren't coming in today," Lex sighed. Clark started to crawl up towards him. "Stay," he commanded. Clark fell back to the bed. "Good boy." Lex slammed the door on his way out.

* * *

Clark looked down at the pale man touching him and lust hazed his vision. His mind seemed to be sharpened by the wormwood, everything crystal clear in front of him and everything made perfect sense. He bent his head down the slight distance between them and kissed the man with every drop of repressed sexual tension coiled up inside his body. He slid his tongue out from between his lips, tasted the mouth pressed to his and moaned. Slick press of hot mouths, tongues tangled together desperate for each other. His arms snaked out and around and down all at once. His hips twisted around, thrusting forward, seeking friction.

Jakub recovered from the shock seconds after his hands touched the hot skin of Superman's neck. He threaded his fingers through the damp curls while Clark kissed him frantically and ran a warm hand over his smooth scalp. He gasped for breath when the other man's hungry mouth moved down his neck, sucking and licking and biting every bit of skin it met. He tried to pull out of the crushing embrace, to pull them into the alley around the corner where they could be alone. His effort amounted to nothing more than wiggling against the perfect body holding him, slapping their groins together. The strong hands moved lower, grasping his ass tightly, grinding them together, begging for more.

"Lex, _Lex_, oh god Lex," Clark murmured franticly as he tried to devour the apparition wriggling in his arms and panting heavily into his neck. His thrusts came harder and faster and he rubbed himself off against the hardness pressing into him. It wasn't enough, he needed more, wanted to taste what he had been missing all these years. He dropped to his knees in the dark gutter and buried his face in the damp denim. He ripped the jeans apart at the fly to get at the skin underneath. He caressed the hard flesh with his tongue, laving the shaft, desperate to taste every inch. He tasted perfect, just like river water.

Jakub's hands clenched the black hair, a last ditch effort to keep from falling to the ground. He was dizzy. A million points of light blocked his vision when the man kneeling in front of him began to suck his cock. Wet hot pull of suction and that tongue kept sweeping over the tip and then underneath and swallowing him and _Fuck_! He bucked wildly and came screaming. He crumpled, half on the ground half on the glassy eyed man kneeling on the cobblestones. Really glassy eyed, almost reflecting the meager light on the empty street like a mirror.

* * *

Clark woke up hard and confused. He was still wearing his uniform, save for his boots, and he smelled like a brewery. His mouth tasted so foul he thought he might actually throw up. His hearing was spiking in and out painfully. One second he couldn't hear beyond a normal human range and the next he was hearing phone conversations from miles away. He bobbed up and down in the air about three feet off his bed. He was dizzy and he was definitely going to throw up.

He managed to flip himself over and fly into the bathroom before he started emptying his stomach. He couldn't stop floating, but it was just as well. Half of the vomit made it to the porcelain basin and the other half was spreading out on the tile floor in little yellow and green swirls. At least this way he wasn't kneeling in it. He continued retching for several minutes after the last of it came up, but dry heaving wasn't any more pleasant. He needed some sunlight, but even more than that right now he needed a shower and a toothbrush.

He wiped the last string of bile and saliva from his mouth with his sleeve and willed himself to float over to the sink to grab his frayed red Oral-B and his tube of Crest. He reversed course and turned the tap up as hot as it would go in his shower. Steam filled the room and he started to sink. He sat on the cold tiles and felt the hot rain pelt him. He scrubbed at his teeth with the hard bristles and then his tongue and then his teeth again. He rinsed his mouth and spat. He leaned his head back against the wall and tried not to hear Mrs. Foggerty from the eighth floor ordering Chinese food.

He started to peel his sodden uniform from his body. He pulled the clasp that held the pieces together and pulled the top and cape off with one movement. The bare skin of his chest puckered up into gooseflesh and his nipples hardened into tiny peaks. The hose came off in a stunning display of coordination that would make the bumbling Clark Kent, reporter look graceful. The water was still warm, but it had lost its bite several minutes ago. He would have to be quick if he wanted to get out before it turned cold. He reached for his spicy shower gel, but bottle was empty. He unscrewed the lid and inhaled the lingering scent deeply.

It was okay to cry in the shower. He could pretend the hot droplets slipping from his eyes were nothing more than the hot droplets washing them away. His shampoo was almost gone, too, but there was enough to get the grime out of his hair. He thought about flying out into the other bathroom and stealing Lex's soap, but the thought of picking through all the bottles that Lois had left in there to find the one that smelled perfectly like Lex kept him in a naked heap on the shower floor.

* * *

Lex found him with a towel wrapped tight around his waist drinking in the late afternoon sun on the terrace. Clark stood with his arms loose at his sides and his head thrown back, staring at the sky, oblivious to the world around him. He could stay that way forever.

"Hey, sleepy head. I wasn't sure you'd wake up any time this century." Lex handed him a cold blue bottle with condensation running down the curved neck.

"I wish I hadn't. I spent the last hour cleaning up puke from the floor of my bathroom and I think I am going to have to burn the uniform I woke up in." He cracked the lid and took a long drag of the bubbly water. His eyes drifted closed for a second as he leaned his head back for another drink, unaware of the cool blue eyes following the trail of a drop of water down his throat to his chest.

"I tried to get you into your pajamas, but you weren't having it." That explained the uniform plastered to his body with dried cum.

"I don't remember getting home. I remember absinthe. Lots of absinthe." He remembered the feeling of smooth skin under his fingers and the taste of river water on his tongue. "Were you with me?"

"Not until you dropped your heavy ass on my lap about six o'clock this morning. You said you were out with your new drinking buddy _Jakub_ in Prague." Lex sounded less than pleased about that.

"Well fuck. I should know better than to get near anything green by now. Sorry about that. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Not unless you count the chorus of `I Feel Pretty' that made my ears bleed."

"You are joking, right. Tell me you're joking." Lex looked Clark straight in the eyes and shook his head with a huge grin on his face. "Oh my god, you aren't joking."

"There was no actual blood. But let me just say that while you may be good at everything else, you have a voice like a cat in heat."

"Promise me that you will not tell Lois," Clark begged miserably.

"Too late."

"I am going to kill you. I am really going to kill you."

* * *

The sliver elevator doors opened onto the bullpen and Clark stepped out onto the grey carpet. The first thing he saw was Lois leaning casually against the nearest desk with a ruler in her right hand. She wore an enormous diamond ring on her left. She met his eyes, took a step forward and raised her arms. The entire floor was suddenly eerily silent. Her hands dropped dramatically and she began waving the ruler like a baton. The sound system burst to life and the newsroom was flooded with music.

"I feel pretty,  
Oh, so pretty,  
I feel pretty and witty and gay!  
And I pity  
Any girl who isn't me today.

I feel charming,  
Oh, so charming  
It's alarming how charming I feel!  
And so pretty  
That I hardly can believe I'm real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there: Who can that attractive girl be?  
Such a pretty face,  
Such a pretty dress,  
Such a pretty smile,  
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning  
And entrancing,  
Feel like running and dancing for joy, For I'm loved  
By a pretty wonderful boy!"

By the second verse, Clark was beet red and trying to curl into little ball and hide. His mortification oozed out of every pore on his body. People looked at him every day when he went out as Superman, but no one ever gave Clark Kent this much attention. Every eye was focused on him. Some people were standing in groups, arms around each other's shoulders, swaying and singing along with the music. Others people were clearly trying to suppress laughter, while yet others were wiping tears from their eyes from their hysterical giggling. They were like a pack of hyenas.

"Enough!" Perry's voice boomed over the commotion. The music cut out. Clark could kiss him. "Get back to work!"

Clark resisted the urge to super-speed to his desk. He managed to walk at a human pace. A fast human. He slouched down into his chair and tried to look busy. A little stuffed elephant with a big purple bow around its neck holding a bottle of pale green liquid sat on the corner of his desk. Lex really was a dead man this time. He and Lois would have a lovely future together as Mr. and Mrs. Deadman. He would make sure to bring tulips to their matching his and hers headstones every week.

* * *

"Have I mentioned to you today how very much I hate you?" Clark growled. Normally he would answer his phone with a more professional greeting, but when he heard the West Side Story ring tone he lost his manners.

"You got my gift, I take it."

"Everyone in my office was staring at me, Lex." Clark turned to face the wall and cupped his hand over the tiny cell phone. "Every time someone walks by me they giggle. I keep hearing people humming. All day, Lex. And you will never guess what was playing in the elevator on my way out to get lunch."

"I guess we're even, then. You really have to give Lois credit, she is deliciously evil. God, I love her." Clark wanted to reach through the phone line and strangle the mirth out of his voice.

"Listening to me sing could not possibly have been bad enough to warrant this kind of retaliation. I have never done anything to you that bad." Clark affected a wounded tone that sounded almost genuine.

"What about the time you carried me home upside down by one foot and did a flyby around my Dad's office?"

"You had that coming. You scared me half to death with that stunt with those Russian hookers and the gun." He was not amused.

"You have no sense of humor."

"Because clearly that was what was wrong with that situation." Still not amused.

"Fine. What about the time you put purple dye in my showerhead?"

"Oh, come on. That was funny. You matched all of your shirts for a week." Okay, now he was amused. Lex thought he had burned all the pictures, but Clark had double prints stored at the Fortress. Besides, he couldn't really be blamed for that one, either. Lex worked too hard and that was the only way Clark could keep him from going in to the office for a couple days. It was for his own good.

"_I feel pretty_..."

"I'm hanging up, now."

* * *

The engagement announcement ran in the society section on Sunday. Clark bought an entire stack, took them to the top of the Daily Planet building and used them for heat vision target practice. The photograph was from the Lillian Luthor Memorial Arts Foundation dinner that Clark went to with Lex every year. Instead, this year he had been drinking his sorrows away on another continent while Lex and Lois danced together and looked perfect. She was wearing a floor length black gown and that gaudy diamond. Lex was smiling. Clark wanted to rip the globe off the top of the Planet and knock the top twenty or so floors off the LexCorp Headquarters with it.

Instead he pummeled a twenty story aphid into a sticky paste. Apparently the years of Luthor Corp's meteorite enhanced fertilizer use had resulted in biomagnification in a disturbingly literal way. The gigantic bug diffused his temper to a tolerable level and he was able to return home with out fear of accidentally burning the building down. He probably still couldn't control himself from spewing vitriol at Lex yet, so he locked himself in the shower under a pretense of getting the aphid gook off. Really it wasn't a pretense because he hadn't bought any new shower gel. He had no idea where to get more of the spicy stuff Lex had given him and he couldn't bring himself to go back to his old soap. He washed himself off with the remainder of his shampoo, instead.

* * *

Lois slept draped across Lex with her right foot hanging off the side of the bed, her dark hair splayed beautifully across his pale chest. Her red negligee clashed with the deep plum of the satin sheets covering only her left side. Lex almost never moved in his sleep, but Lois was all over the place. She moved every ten or fifteen minutes. Clark wondered if that was why she had to drink so much coffee in the morning. She couldn't possibly be getting enough rest with the way she tossed and turned in the night.

Sometimes she talked in her sleep. Clark could tell when she was having a nightmare. Her hands would clench the sheets tightly and she would shake her head and call out for Superman to save her. Other times she would moan it breathily and her thighs would rub together. She never once called for Lex in the two months he had been watching them sleep. He would have been creeping himself out if he ever allowed himself to think about it. He knew he should stop torturing himself, but every night after Lois came in he would watch them through the walls.

Where once he was driven away by the sound of their love making, he was now riveted. He watched Lex thrust into her. He watched her wrap her legs around his back while she fucked herself on his lap. He watched both their faces when they came, watched Lex bite the scar on his upper lip till it turned white or bled. He listened to their sighs and cries and moans and screams and all the little sucking, slurping, slapping sounds of sex coming from their room. Their room, because Lois hadn't spent the night in her apartment in over a month.

Every night they tried a new position, sometimes coming back to old favorites for the second round. Every night Clark stroked himself off lying in his bed staring through the wall of his room. The nights when they were frantic, biting each other and growling and leaving claw marks on delicate skin Clark came fast and hard. The night he watched Lois fuck Lex from behind with a strap-on he came almost immediately, blindingly and unable to stop the whimpers and groans spilling from his mouth while his seed spilled over his hands. When they took their time caressing and licking and fucked slowly, he drew his pleasure out, too, two slick digits stroking him from the inside simultaneously. When there was no impending crisis that required his attention, he jerked off five or six times a night, more than at any time since he reached sexual maturity.

He found himself getting hard at inopportune times. Whenever Lex called him he squirmed in his seat, letting the honeyed tones wash over him. After Lois had her twentieth cigarette of the day her voice would get low and gravelly. Clark started spending his lunch break in the shower at home smelling the empty bottle and hearing her scratchy sex soaked voice calling out for Lex to fuck her. He had a new bottle of soap, but Lex gave him the old one. Somehow that made it smell better. He was like Pavlov's dog, cock hard and drooling just from the smell.

He looked like shit. He was distracted. And cranky. He alternately ignored and snapped at Lois and Lex both. He wanted to spend every possible second with Lex, but he smelled wrong, like cigarettes and bad coffee and Chanel. Clark started spending almost all his free time during the day responding to emergencies all over the world. There was always something for him to do, but he always came home when Lois did. Some how he hoped that the good he did during the day balanced out what he was doing at night, but it never did. He exhausted himself hoping that he would be able to sleep, but still spent his nights watching them sleep.

His constant foul mood freaked everyone out if for no other reason than that Clark was never in a bad mood. When Perry offered him two weeks vacation he took it. He could feel himself unraveling. Both Lois and Lex looked relieved when he told them he would be out of town for a couple weeks.

They would probably make the most of his absence. He wondered what depraved things they would do with him gone. At the very least they would walk around naked, have sex in every room of the house. Would they fuck on the couch, in the kitchen, on the dining room table, _in his bed_? He made his bed up with fresh sheets before he left.

* * *

When he arrived at the Fortress he was exhausted, bone deep and weary to the core of his soul. He knew that he needed to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he saw Lex. Sometimes Lex and Lois were fucking, but more often his mind tormented him with images of Lex begging Clark to fuck him. And Lex down on his knees was a lovely picture, but it was never going to happen. Even if Lois fell into a volcano and Clark slipped him a roofie Lex was never going to do that, any of that. Just the mere _alienness_ of Clark would be enough to keep Lex out of his reach forever.

"Lara, I want you to fix me, make me human," Clark pled with the AI. Desperation saturated his voice. "_Please_."

"There is no defect for me to correct, Kal-El. You are of Krypton, not Earth and I would not change that even had I the power to do so. No matter how many times you ask this of me, the answer will remain the same." It was an old argument, but he could not stop wanting another answer. He could not change his deepest desire.

"You really are my mother," Clark quipped. Resignation settled in on him. After a while he made another familiar request. "Explain to me again why I am this way. Tell me the story one more time." He knew the story by heart, the words never changing, like a favorite book in childhood. It was a memory from the years in the ship that gave comfort to his frayed mind. The story reminded him that he was loved and he needed to hear it.

"As you wish, Kal-El. Krypton was a world much like Earth once, covered with more species of flora and fauna than you can imagine all thriving under a young sun much like Sol. Millions of years passed and the species evolved. Our race was one of many sentient races all competing for a place, each filling their own niche in the complex ecosystems making up our biosphere. We lived in a huge underground complex where there was little competition, coming out at night to gather food and drinking in only the first rays of dawn and the last faint rays of dusk.

We lived this way for millennia upon millennia, adapting more and more to our chosen environment during every major evolutionary jump. Our eyes grew more sensitive to accommodate for the lack of light, allowing us to carry out tasks with out need for artificial sources. Our bodies grew strong and hard to facilitate excavation. The air was thin in the depths of the catacombs and we adapted, needing only a small breath for hours at a time. We were cold, but we adapted, never let the cold touch us.

We needed our arms to dig and our posture changed. We became erect, able to dig with our feet or our hands with ease. Childbirth became a burden on our bodies and our young were born long before their time. Many died before they could even open their eyes, but we adapted. We kept them close to our bodies, safe and warm. The mothers among us developed folds of skin to shelter them. They had but to open their mouths to suck and our nipples swelled to fill their mouths and keep them secure until they could survive on their own.

Still many died. We held them safe and warm against our breast, but it was not enough. We adapted. Though we could only nurse one child at a time, we began to hold two in our bodies. The strongest survived. Eventually we were able to halt the maturation of one child while the other grew. They stayed protected in our other womb as a tiny ball of cells until we made no more milk. Then the child within would mature. In this way we could increase our number in times of plenty and replace those lost in times of need.

Time flowed past us and we were no longer who we had once been. Such is the way of life. That which remains the same disappears, that which changes remains. We began to study the world around us, question the meaning and mechanics of things. We became scientists, philosophers, artists. Societies flourished and declined for millennia, but always we remained. The others came and went but always we remained.

The sun was no longer young. It began to cool and contract in on itself. Great walls of ice covered the surface of Krypton. The others all but disappeared. The cold did not touch us. We thrived under the glaciers, beneath the crust, deep in the mantle. When the sun began to swell and dim and the gravity of the planet pressed in on us, we emerged toward the surface. When we saw our sun again for the first time in our memories it was beautiful. It was so red we imagined it bleeding for us, sustaining us. We built great cities by harnessing the power of crystalline elements locked in the matrix of the ice.

A world of possibilities opened before us and we went exploring. We seeded the galaxies with what remained of our world. We knew that it would take millennia for any of these outposts to become habitable, but we were patient. We could adapt. When the inner most planets of the solar system began to burn away in the last breath of heat of our dying sun we searched for a new home. For many generations we revisited the places we had prepared.

Your father, Jor-El, was one charged with the task of finding a new home. He set out to find this place and pave the way for us, but he fell in love with it instead. It was savage and passionate and all the things that we had lost and he felt it too precious to destroy. He returned home hoping that another place for us could be found. He shared with no one the miracle of Sol. He was young when he left and when he returned, but an entire generation had been born and died in his absence.

I loved him the first time I saw him. He was brilliant. When he realized that no other had returned successful in finding a new home he began creating a way for us to survive. He worked every moment he was able and I was at his side. We were running out of time, but our people did not listen. We would adapt as we always had, they said. Jor-El and I appealed to the council, told them of our plan for this place, a city in the familiar ice of the polar region here. They did not believe him after he had so long denied the viability of this world.

So we poured all our hearts into you. We knew that we would not be able to leave with you, that we would perish with the rest of our world. We created a womb to cradle you on your journey, safer than the womb where you lay dormant all those years. Into this cradle we placed all our knowledge, our past, the beauty of our world. We even placed ourselves inside, though pale copies of what we once were. Into the key we placed the design for the crystal lattice needed to create us and this place and your destiny.

When the time came, I began your maturation. No longer just a ball of cells, you became our hope. I could feel you growing inside me and I loved you. When you emerged I kept you warm and you suckled and I was happy. The day you first opened your eyes we placed you in the ship and bid you farewell. That is my last memory of Krypton, Kal-El, but the outcome is certain. We waited until the last possible moment. The ship recorded the nova of our sun and carried in its wake the last remnants of our world.

You are the Last Son of Krypton and I would not have you be otherwise. You were born to keep us alive. You will adapt. Now sleep, my son, knowing that you are loved above all others. You are weary. I will watch over you."

Clark fell asleep to the sound of Lara's voice and dreamed of the stars. True to her word, Lara watched over him. She soothed his mind when he thrashed and cried out. She cradled him in her bosom and eased the pain of his heart. He did not wake for a full ten days. When he finally woke, he was himself again.

* * *

"Hey, Lex," Clark said shyly as he entered the penthouse, unsure of his welcome.

"Welcome back, Clark. Did you have a nice vacation?" The warm tones Lex usually greeted him with were completely absent. Instead he was treated to the same perfunctory tone Lex normally reserved for business rivals and hostile takeovers.

"Yeah, I guess so. I slept solid the first ten days. Before that it was a month or more since I actually slept. I really needed it." Clark tried to sound casual, to make everything go back to the way it was before all this mess with just the sound of his voice.

"It showed." Lex raised an eyebrow, challenging Clark to be blunt and be quick about it before his patience wore off.

"Sorry about that. For being such a jerk lately I mean. I guess I got caught up, you know with crime fighting or what ever." He dipped his head and shuffled his feet in the way that always made Lex forgive him.

"How about if you cut the shit and apologize for acting like a jealous prick ever since I asked Lois to marry me." Clearly the head bob and foot shuffle wasn't cutting it this time. Lex could always see right through him. He knew Lex well enough to know that this would be his last chance to redeem himself before being written off. He supposed that Lex was only giving him this courtesy in deference to the length of their friendship.

"I'm so sorry, Lex. I just kind of freaked out. Don't worry. I won't bother you anymore." He would give up everything else he wanted from Lex if he could just hold on to his friendship some how. He was destined to be alone. Anything more had been nothing but a pipe dream anyway.

"Forget it. I just want to know why. Why now, after all the years that she has literally thrown herself at you. Don't you want her to be happy, or is it just some deep seated need that you have for Sullivan women to die pining for you? She loves you, you know. Not just Superman, either. She has been in love with you for years and you haven't given her a second glance. Do you have any idea how confusing this is for her? If I thought for a minute that you would want her for more than ten seconds after you had her I would give her up in a heartbeat." Clark's heart caught in his throat. Lex thought he was jealous over Lois, not of her. He opened his mouth to correct him, but after the deafening pause, Lex started yelling.

"And what about me? You are supposed to be my best friend and you don't give a fuck about what makes me happy. She is the only woman to give a rat's ass about me for anything besides my money in as long as I can remember and you can't just be happy for me for a second. You never even bothered to think about me. You are so fucking selfish some times." A Kryptonite knife through his heart couldn't have hurt more. Clark made a split second decision. He would give Lex what made him happy.

"I am so _so_ sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. Of course I want you to be happy. Both of you. I love you both so much. I felt excluded, like neither of you needed me anymore and I just lost it. I can't stand the thought of loosing you. Tell me what to do to make it better." He was begging and he didn't care. It wasn't all the truth, but it was still all true. Clark would do what ever Lex asked him to do, if only he would forgive him.

"You are such an idiot some times. There is nothing that could ever make us not need you any more. You are our best friend. We love you. We were going crazy having you distant and snapping at us." Lex still sounded angry, but Clark could tell by the look in his eyes that he was forgiven.

"So is the position of best man still available?" Clark bumped their shoulders together lightly before he leaned on the back of the couch next to Lex.

"Only if you apologize to the bride," Lex replied with iron in his voice.

"Of course. Do you think that she's going to boil me in oil or draw and quarter me?"

"I'd lay odds on digging your heart out with a spoon."

"_That way it_'_ll hurt more_, _you twit_," they said in unison.

"Well, something to look forward to, then," Clark sighed.

"Out of curiosity, what did you do the four days after you woke up?"

"Sunned myself on a little island near the equator."

"Damn."

"So, what do you owe Lois?"

"Dinner with her parents." The grimace that wrapped around the pretty scar on his upper lip was well earned. Dinner with her parents was like spending an eternity trapped in Hell. She dragged Clark along as a buffer every time they were in town and she couldn't come up with urgent work to do at the Planet. Once she even made him go by himself.

"Ouch! My condolences. I'd trade spoons with you, but I really don't understand all that fancy silverware. Besides, they already hate me. Where did you bet?"

"Prague."

* * *

"Welcome home, Smallville. Have you had your lithium yet today or should I cower in fear over in the corner?" Her voice was hard and there wasn't even a hint of humor in it.

"If I plead mental defect are you going to have me committed? I promise I'm all better. No sharp pointy edges or anything." Clark thought he'd forgo the aw-shucks-ma'am routine with Lois. She was only ever annoyed with it.

"Mental hospitals are too cushy to be a decent punishment. I should make you come to dinner with my parents, too. That'll show you." The steel was gone from her voice already, but he kept his promise to apologize anyway.

"I'm really sorry about being such a prick, Lois. I know that you and Lex will be very happy together. And if it will make it any easier on you, I would be happy to draw your parents' wrath away from Lex at your dinner party." His sincerity shone from his face like a beacon.

"Yeah, yeah. You know I can't stay mad at you. I think I'm going to make Lex suck it up and go alone, though."

"Oh, thank God." She smacked him upside the head. "Ow!"

"Just for that you have to be the maid of honor. I want a bridal shower and there had better be a stripper at my bachelorette party. And if there is a stripper at the bachelor party she had better be eighty years old and toothless, you got me?"

"Clear. Do I get a pretty dress or am I stuck with the penguin suit?" The easy teasing tone he used was just like old times.

"We'll see."

* * *

The happy couple set a date. Clark schlepped all over town with a smile on his face, if not a song in his heart. He addressed all the invitations, sealed them and mailed them off. He ordered the cake and made sure that the caterers used organic produce. He made the arrangements with the hotel. He hired a minister who didn't mind that they were both two degrees away from being atheists. He picked the music and the readings and auditioned the orchestra. He tracked down every last RSVP card and made the seating arrangements for the reception. Every white tulip and lily in the state was set to be brought in for the big event. He did everything that his friends had neither the time nor inclination to do.

Lex picked the tuxedos. It took five hours to get everything just the way he wanted it. Then there were the fittings. Clark never knew that it was possible to take that many measurements. He felt like every square inch of his body had been touched by a tape measure or drawn on with chalk. Thank god the tailor was the best in town. It would have been impossible to explain why half the pins were broken.

The Lois made a single concession to the wedding hoopla: she grew her hair out. Her trademark bob grew at steady pace. With six months to go it was already past her shoulders. By the day of the wedding it would spill across her pale skin in soft black waves just a few inches above the plunging back of her gown. She would look divine and she knew it. Clark told her so anyway.

* * *

"So this is where you and Lois are going to be living, huh?" Clark looked around the huge space at the top of the unfinished building, taking in more sky than anything in the open air construction site. There was little indication of the future floor plan. The skeletal frame of the support beams gave the only clues as to the eventual placement of walls and doorways.

"Hopefully it will have walls by then, but yes." Lex stood perfectly still several steps from the service elevator the crews were using. Clark wandered around, looking out past the edges.

"It has a great view. Hey, I can see my old dorm from here!" He pointed down at a concrete monstrosity clearly erected in the seventies. He remembered the burnt orange carpet and built in bunk beds of Newton Hall with fondness.

"Clark, you can see your old dorm from China." Lex looked more pale than usual, but Clark didn't notice.

"Yeah, yeah. Look right over there. Even with your feeble old man eyes you should be able to see it. We can't be more than six blocks from campus."

"I am not old, I'm afraid of heights." He wasn't old. He was nearly thirty six, but he never looked a day over twenty nine. Clark's age, but then Clark didn't look much past twenty one. It was one of the reasons people accepted his awkward, rumpled dork persona so easily. It was an asset at work. In interviews no one took him seriously until he hit them with the hard questions, long after they had let their guard down.

"Oh, come on. It isn't even as high as the penthouse and you go out on the terrace all the time."

"There are lovely waist high walls with a railing I can grip for dear life if I have to at home. I have nothing here to grab a hold of or anything to keep me from falling off the edge to my death here."

"You have me. Don't worry so much. I'll catch you if you fall."

* * *

The bridal shower was dull and unimaginative at best. Clark held a ladies' tea at the penthouse for the women of Lois' acquaintance, more specifically her mother's friends and all her assorted first and second cousins twice removed. They wore cute little suits in an array of pastel hues and pearl necklaces. Lois dressed the part and did her best to be polite. He could hear her teeth grinding and her heart rate skyrocket every time she had to swallow the advice of some well meaning aunt or listen to some inane piece of society gossip.

Clark tried to run interference for her to the best of his ability. After the third woman remarked that she thought Lois would never get married, he tripped and spilled tea on her dress. He made a big show of patting her down with a napkin and running his embarrassed-to-be-so-clumsy routine. Lois made a strangled noise behind her tightly pressed lips. The next unfortunate woman to warp her congratulations with backhanded compliments spilled her glass of merlot all down the front of her blouse when Clark turned suddenly while holding a tray of finger sandwiches, elbows out and accidentally knocked her shoulder just as she raised the glass to her lips. The mayhem that ensued after he used his super-speed to tuck the tablecloth into a particularly snide relative's skirt almost sent Lois into hysterics. She was forced to excuse her self and barely made it to the balcony before she let loose a peal of laughter.

"Had enough?" Clark closed the French doors behind him and took his place beside her at the railing.

"I surrender. How did I ever let you get me into this one, Smallville?" Lois took a long drag on her cigarette and blew a stream of smoke out into the sky.

"Pardon me? I believe you roped me into this little party. I am going to be scrubbing stains out of the carpet for days. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get red wine out?" Lois let out an undignified snort.

"Watching Janet Westfield hyperventilate over ruining her favorite blouse was well worth any and all scrubbing efforts."

"Does that mean you are going to help with the clean up?" He raised an eyebrow and got the answer he expected.

"Absolutely not. I'm not the one bumbling around like a klutz on a unicycle, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. Not that I don't find it amusing. That bit with the sandwiches was classic. Did you see the glob of pate that landed on Aunt Sheila's cleavage? She ate it." She flicked ash expertly into the abyss.

"Thank you, thank you very much." Clark took a bow and held his hand out with a little flourish. "And for my next trick I will make the lovely ladies inside disappear."

* * *

"So how did dinner with the parents go?" Clark twirled his fork around on the massive plate of linguini idly.

"Surprisingly well, actually. Apparently they approve of me. They kept lavishing her with praise. I thought that her jaw was going to drop off completely." Lex sounded amused. He took a perfectly portioned bite of veal. Clark watched the scar stretch and contract as Lex chewed.

"Lucky you. They hated me on sight. It only made things worse when I tried to explain that we were just friends." He took a sip of water and went back to playing with his food.

"I think they thought you were taking advantage of their little girl." Clark almost choked on a stray noodle. He had to take a quick drink before defending his virtue.

"I wasn't doing anything to her at all, except rescuing her all the damn time. That girl gets in more trouble than Chloe ever did. It must be genetic."

"They seemed to have softened toward you, despite your little performance at the bridal shower." Clark couldn't tell if Lex was mad about that or not.

"I had to do something. Lois was going to grind her teeth down so far she'd have to get dentures. The noise was getting to me." He still shuddered when he even thought about that sound. Worse than fingernails on a chalkboard.

"So you took a page out of the Three Stooges' Handbook?" His delivery was dry. His smirk bordered on a grin.

"You should have been there, Curly." Clark leaned across the table and rubbed his scalp playfully.

"_Why I oughta_..." Lex raised his hand in a threatening gesture. His eyes twinkled.

"Think they'll still like you after the Aba Daba Honeymoon?" He really had seen one too many episodes.

"Too much late night TV for you." Lex read his mind.

"Hey, it's not like you didn't know what I was talking about." It wasn't like Clark had never heard Lex watching the television hidden away in an armoire in his bedroom late at night.

"I have no idea to what you are referring."

"I could sing it. Would that refresh your memory?"

"That won't be necessary."

"That's what I thought."

"Is your chimp suit clean?"

"Okay, now I'm offended. My tux is very nice when it's all fresh from the cleaner's."

"Well make sure it is all fresh from the cleaner's before Friday night. I don't want everyone thinking you are one of the waiters again."

"Wait, what are we talking about?"

"The annual McGuillis Charity Ball. You. Me. Every year for the past five years. Am I ringing any bells here?"

"Sorry, I just thought you'd be taking Lois this year."

"I am. Will you be rounding up a date yourself or do I have to find one for you?"

"You know no woman in a two hundred mile radius will go out with me. I don't want to be a third wheel. Besides, I wasn't invited. I'm pretty sure the McGuillis Cancer Foundation people don't know I'm alive."

"I bought a table. A twenty five thousand dollar table. Don't make me fill it up with boring LexCorp execs. If you don't come, we'll be a stooge short."

"I never thought I'd see the day when you accepted the fact that you're a stooge, Lex."

* * *

Superman let himself be carried on an updraft above the city and gazed languidly. He was bored. Air currents pulled him in a seemingly random pattern across the sky. The shear of opposing flows played against the red cape. It alternately flapped flush against his body and billowed out behind him. Restlessness roiled under his impenetrable skin. A complex set of aerial maneuvers, twisting and looping haphazardly, barely managed to hold his interest. Something in the corner of his eye caught his attention and he descended through the clouds.

He hovered over the looming giant. The Basilikos Lofts would be complete soon. The mottled brick facade and oversized windows of the building blended beautifully with the industrial buildings from the turn of the century just like Lex said it would. It looked even better than the scale model of the LURE phase one project at the press conference. It highlighted the best architectural features of that area of the city and made everything around it look better. Clark scanned the top floor to see what progress had been made since he had last visited.

There were walls now, as well as air ducts, plumbing, cable and electrical lines. Everything that was left was cosmetic, paint and fixtures and flooring. He supposed that a decorator would take care of all that. He smiled a weak little smile when he noticed the sheer size of the two walk in closets in the master suite. Lois was just as big a clothes horse as Lex. They would probably fill the space in no time. There were a number of rooms that could be guest rooms or offices. Maybe one would be a nursery. That thought sent a stab of unexpected pain into the center of his chest.

It would be habitable soon. Lex and Lois would move out of the penthouse and Clark would be alone again. He could already feel the lonely emptiness like a dark cloud over his head. Maybe he should ask Jimmy to move in with him after the wedding. He would probably jump at the chance to take half an hour off his daily commute. He could even convert one of the cavernous closets into a darkroom. Clark was pretty sure Jimmy only had two suits so it wasn't like he'd need the space.

* * *

"Peter, good to see you again." Lex stood and clasped hands warmly with the new arrival. The man was tall and with a moderate build and a smile plastered across his face. He looked a little older than Lex.

"Lex, be a gentleman and introduce me. This enchanting creature must be the fiance we've heard so much about." He looked down at the table with curiosity glimmering in his eyes.

"Senator Kelly, I believe you have already met Lois Lane and her partner Clark Kent. They have interviewed you a number of times for the Daily Planet." Lex made the formal introduction a gentle reminder to jog everyone's memory.

"Of course. Please forgive me. I meet so many people it is hard to keep them all straight. You look lovely this evening, Ms. Lane." The senator leaned down and kissed her hand before inclining his head toward her companion. "Nice to see you again, Mr. Kent."

"Thank you," Clark and Lois said on top of each other.

"You don't mind if I borrow Lex for a few minutes do you?" He looked pointedly at Lois.

"I suppose that would be alright. Can you be trusted to return him in working order?" She allowed a hint of mirth to temper her tone.

"I promise to return him no worse for wear," he replied with mock solemnity.

"Off you go, then." Lois made a little shooing motion. Clark leaned in toward her conspiratorially.

"You should have asked for collateral. Or a hostage."

"We should mingle. You never know how many leads you can pick up at a function like this. Everyone is here. You take two parts politicians, two parts corporate sharks add two parts old money society types and mix. Recipe for scandal and intrigue if I ever heard one." Clark blanched slightly at the idea of trying to carry on a conversation with any of the snobby attendees of the charity ball.

"How about if we just dance. I'm no good at mingling. You can listen to all the debutantes gossiping out there."

"If you step on my feet or my dress you are a dead man." She shot him a look that told him she wasn't kidding, no matter how light her tone.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Clark stood up and extended his right arm to escort her out to the sea of expertly swaying dancers. They wandered out onto the parquet floor of the ballroom. Lois slid gracefully into his arms and he held her close. They began waltzing. Clark had been to enough of these functions with Lex over the years to pick up a few moves. They moved as a unit through the throng. Lois was leading and that was fine with him. It meant he didn't have to pay as much attention. He saw Lex over her shoulder standing with the senator and two men Clark recognized, but couldn't quite place. He focused his hearing in on the middle of their conversation.

"...but now that you're getting married that isn't an issue," said the taller of the two men Clark couldn't place.

"I don't understand why it was an issue in the first place," Lex replied, his voice flat and cool.

"Surely you can see how strange it looks for a grown man with as much money and influence as you to be living with another man. And the way you take him around with you everywhere you go. It isn't normal," the short, fat one blustered.

"Clark is my _friend_." Lex sounded dangerously close to doing something rash. "He was kind enough to allow me to move in with him after my divorce so that I wouldn't be alone all the time. He even introduced me to my fiance. And even if what you are insinuating were true, I don't see what the problem is." Clark wasn't the only one to hear the subtle menace in his voice. Senator Kelly jumped in to diffuse the situation.

"No problem at all. We don't have any issue with what ever _lifestyle_ people choose. We ran a gay candidate for governor not five years ago. With all you have done for this city it would be no problem getting you into that seat if you kept a harem full of little Indonesian boys running around in your apartment. Besides, we picked that district because the constituency is very progressive."

"My point, son, is that the media attention over your wedding puts you in an even better jumping off position than we had anticipated. I know that we had spoken before about your taking the new legislature seat next term, but with all the name recognition and positive image the publicity is generating we think you could take Baxter's seat." The tall man offered it to Lex like a gift.

"First you question my virtue and insult my friends and now you want me to take huge amounts of time away from my business to run for congress?"

"State government is small time, Lex. You were meant for bigger things. Don't pretend you don't want it." Clark almost laughed. The senator obviously knew how Lex felt about destiny.

"Oh, I want it."

"Good man. We'll set you up for the party nomination next week. Congratulations. You can announce your candidacy when you get back from your honeymoon." The taller man shook his hand and slapped him on the back. Clark had heard enough.

"Lois, has Lex said anything to you about running for office?"

"Sure. You know he has always wanted to go into politics. He is a huge campaign contributor. Why do you think he comes to these schmooze-fests?" She waved her hand around at the crowd.

"I mean anything in specific." He felt a little hurt that Lex hadn't included him. Lois leaned in closer, making it easier to speak and looked up into his eyes.

"You mean that brand new state senate district that just happened to be right where his huge urban renewal campaign brought in thousands of jobs and the site of our shiny new apartment? No, but it is pretty damn convenient."

"Do you really think he would go to all that trouble just for a state legislature position?" It seemed like overkill.

"Lex always does everything over the top, Clark. Besides, it isn't really that sinister. Candidates move into districts that are sympathetic to them all the time." Clark nodded. It made sense.

"Yeah, I guess so. He certainly seems friendly with those party big wigs tonight. He's been over there a long time." She seemed to sense that the serious discussion portion of the evening was over. She dropped her eyes and leaned her cheek against his chest. Her hair tickled the sensitive skin under his jaw.

"You seem surprised. You didn't think he was actually going to spend any time at all with us tonight did you?"

"He always did before." A hint of sadness tugged at him. He tried to shake it off.

"You have got to be joking."

"I think it was out of pity. You've seen me try to talk to women."

"Lex doesn't pity you, Clark."

"Not me, the women."

* * *

Part of being the best man meant giving the bride and groom the perfect gift, and Clark found it on EBay. It was a perfect reproduction of a Renaissance masterpiece and Clark knew that Lex would love it. The texture, the hues and the quality of the paint along with the sheer artistry that went into the reproduction would make Lex drool. He got it framed with a gold leaf patina that would compliment the architectural details in the new penthouse. It would fit just right over the mantle in the master suite. If they didn't want it in the bedroom, though he suspected they would, it would look nice in just about any of the other rooms.

A smile graced Clark's lips when he thought about the look on Lex's face when he opened it. He imagined the way Lex would tear the paper away with a fake smile meant to make Clark feel better for having terrible taste or perhaps to cover his dread. Once he got it open, though, then the smile would go wide and real. Sometimes he added watery eyes to his imaginary Lex, so moved by the gesture that he couldn't hide his emotions behind his smooth veneer. Clark would lift his Champaign flute and Lex would blink back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Lex would know what it meant, how perfectly this one gift expressed his feelings for his friend. At times he would get so immersed in the fantasy that he could feel his eyes starting to burn, just a little.

It sat in his bedroom in a crate wrapped in brown paper and tied up with twine on the wall opposite his bed. Every night he would look through the cheap wood and paper and stare at the painting. The cherubs made him laugh some times when he stared at them too long and they looked like they might actually move. It wasn't really the kind of art that Clark liked, though he really didn't get any of it, but Lex would love it. Subject matter made a huge difference in this piece, and that was why he bought it.

* * *

Clark had scheduled the bachelorette party for the weekend before the wedding. Most of the invitations went to people at the Planet and well over half of them were men, though only two RSVPed when they found out where they would be going. But even that would be a relief after the shower. Who knew women were so bitchy to each other? Lex declined to have a stag night on the grounds that he'd had all the fun he needed for the rest of his life before he turned twenty one. That was just fine with Clark. He wasn't too keen on the idea of watching Lex salivate over some blond stripper with enormous tits. So he'd had just the one night of debauchery to plan and he was rather pleased with what he'd come up with.

He walked out of the steamy bathroom with a towel around his waist and his wet hair dripping down his back. On his bed sat a medium sized white box just a little too big to be shoes, even his gigantic size fourteens, tied up with purple ribbon. The edge of an envelope stuck out from underneath the oversized bow. He pulled out the heavyweight note card and read the inscription. He couldn't stop himself from taking a quick peek inside.

"You have got to be kidding me."

He lifted the lid and pulled away the tissue paper obscuring his gift. He chuckled in spite of himself. He reached down and gently pulled it out of the box. He walked over to the dressing area, dropped his towel to the floor and slid the slippery fabric over his head. It fit him perfectly, like it had been tailor made for his body. They must have used the measurements from the tuxedo fitting. The image that looked back at him from the full length mirror mesmerized him for several minutes. The floor length raw silk evening gown he wore was the exact color of his eyes, shifting from jade green to grey blue and back again when he moved.

The note card read,

"_Such a pretty face_,  
_Such a pretty dress_,  
_Such a pretty smile_.

-_LL_"

He looked at himself again and smiled. He felt pretty. And silly. He made a little pirouette and felt the fabric caress his thighs. He walked out of his room, through the open living area and down the corridor. The soft rap he gave the door at the end of the hall was all the warning he gave Lex before he opened it. He poked his head into the room, hiding his body behind the door.

"Oh, Le-ex," Clark called out in a sing-song voice. Lex walked out of the closet with his socks and shoes in his hand.

"Clark." Lex sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled a sock on.

"Aren't you going to invite me in," he asked with a pout.

"Please come in."

"Close your eyes first." Lex complied. Clark was acutely aware of the sensation of the plush carpet on his bare feet as he walked toward the bed. He stopped about two paces from Lex. "Open your eyes."

"Clark," was all Lex got out. His gaze traced the lines of the dress from the high neck, down the breast to the slight flare at the hip and then to the pool of silk at the floor and the little bare toes peeking out from underneath. He swirled his finger to indicate he wanted Clark to turn around.

"What do you think?" Clark asked merrily while spinning.

"Beautiful. But then, Ramon always does beautiful work. What do you think?"

"I feel kind of silly. I may burst into song at any moment." He did another little spin with a bounce at the end.

"Please don't. It will ruin the effect."

"Why did you give me this, Lex?"

"Lois mentioned that you wanted a pretty dress to wear in the wedding. Something about a penguin suit. I just wanted you to have options."

"It had nothing at all to do with where I am taking Lois tonight?"

"How would I know where you are going?" Lex asked innocently as a small child hiding a cookie behind his back.

"Is it even possible to keep anything from you?"

"You tell me."

"Do you think she'll like it?"

"She will be delighted."

"I'd better go get ready."

"There are shoes under your bed. Have a good time." Clark headed back out into the hallway. About half way down he heard, "And Clark, if you get all liquored up and spill something on that dress your ass is mine."

* * *

"You just take yourself right back upstairs and change, Kent. I'm not going anywhere with a man who's prettier than me."

"I can change my clothes, but I will still be prettier than you."

"Scoot over here so I can put a little eye liner on you. And some gloss. Look up. Hold still. Look down. Pucker up. Now rub your lips together like this. Jesus, you really are pretty without those horrible glasses, Farm Boy."

"Stop it, you're making me blush. Do I really look okay?"

"You look beautiful. Where the hell did you get the dress?"

"Lex."

"I should have known. Your taste is atrocious. You should let him dress you more often."

"He takes two hours to get ready in the morning and he has no hair. I need more sleep than that."

"I know. He's such a girl. It only takes me an hour and I blow dry."

"We're here."

"Where exactly is here?"

"That would be the Khal Cabaret Lounge."

"You brought me to see drag queens for my bachelorette party?"

"Gender illusionists, Lois."

"Well, that makes all the difference. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Shut up, you know you love it."

"There had better be copious amounts of vodka in my near future."

"Cross my heart."

"I didn't ask about your underwear, Clark, I asked about alcohol."

"As much as you can drink."

"I can drink an awful lot."

"I believe you."

"Unlike your teetotalling ass."

"I bet I can drink at least as much as you."

"You are twice my size, Clark. You want to win the bet, you had better be able to drink twice as much."

"What do I get if I win?"

"What ever your heart desires."

Lois could probably drink Lex under the table. After she finished the first bottle of Grey Goose and Clark polished off his second, he was sure that she couldn't keep it up much longer. He was wrong. He flipped to x-ray vision to check her liver for signs of advanced alcoholism. If they had been in Smallville he would have been sure that it was some bizarre Kryptonite mutation enabling her to metabolize alcohol like most people metabolized Gatorade, but as far as he knew she had never been exposed. She didn't even look buzzed. When the headliner burst out into a rousing rendition of `I Feel Pretty' she almost peed her pants, but she kept drinking well into the second bottle before she gave up. He drank two more bottles of vodka that had begun to taste like water.

Clark had begun to notice the feeling of the silk brushing against his thighs again. In fact he could hardly think of anything else after his fifth bottle. Lois had slowed down, choosing to chain smoke instead of drink for a while, but the waitress kept bringing it and after the first time he flipped to x-ray vision while looking at the beautiful woman on stage, he wanted it. She had a beautiful cock, long and slender with a purple head. He wanted to suck on it until she came screaming on his tongue, wanted to watch her writhe and buck and he really needed more alcohol if he was going to be thinking like that in front of people he had to see at work on Monday.

He and Lois were the only ones left of their little party after Jimmy finally left around three o'clock, so he no longer felt inhibited by the presence of coworkers. Well, Lois, but she didn't really count since they had been living together for months now. With Lex, she was living with Lex who just happened to live with Clark. It wasn't like he saw her naked everyday or something. At least, not since he stopped watching her fucking Lex every night. _Lex_. _Fucking Lex_. Lex was fucking gorgeous. Where the fuck was Lex?

Clark needed to pee. He blithely walked through the door into the ladies' room, because he was a lady tonight. He closed the door of the tiny stall and hitched his dress up over his hips. Lex would be _pissed_ if he got piss on his dress. Clark giggled. He needed to piss. Relief flood through his body as his bladder emptied, the sound of it hitting the water echoing in the acoustically perfect space. He shook his dick and let the fabric of his skirt fall back down to the floor before trying to maneuver himself out of the stall.

He was swaying precariously enough that he almost decided to float, but then he remembered that that would be bad. He managed to make it to the bank of sinks lining the opposite wall and flashed himself a smile in the mirror. He washed his hands and splashed water on his face. He was wiping his eyes with a paper towel when he saw Lois. Her reflection was walking towards his in the glass on the wall. He turned around. She said, "Clark," with the low husky voice that still made his dick stand at attention.

The time between when she kissed him and when he realized what was going on was long enough to write an essay on the importance of not sleeping with your best friend's fiance, but alas, was not used nearly that constructively. His tongue was exploring her mouth, searching for a taste that might still be there under the vodka and cigarettes and he couldn't remember what it was. Long black hair tickled his neck and the lithe body pressed into his front and the cold porcelain of the sink pressed into his ass and slender fingers yanked his head down.

"Fuck me, Clark. Pick me up and slam me into that wall and fuck me until you can't stand any more." The command in her voice radiated down his body like a shock wave to his swollen cock.

Clark groaned and picked her up. Invulnerable hands took the brunt of the impact with the wall, but her head still snapped back hard. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him brutally. The silk of his dress slipped too easily across the slick material of her short skirt, denying him the friction his hips were desperately seeking. A big hand swept up the smooth expanse of skin on her thigh and pushed the fabric up over her hips.

The smell of sex poured off of her and the dark pool of wetness on her panties was too much for him to resist. His thumb gently swept over the damp panties and Lois moaned. He slid a finger inside, underneath the fabric. Hot and wet and slippery and he wanted more. He pulled hard on the restrictive garment and the elastic over her hip snapped. He ran his fingers through the moist down surrounding her sex and she beat on his chest with her fist and demanded that he fuck her right now. Two fingers dipped into her, a slow tease in and out, then quick hard thrusts in time with the undulation of her hips. Lois came quickly, biting his lip and sucking in a scream and then she was limp in his arms.

"God, fuck me, please fuck me, so good, so good, fuck me," murmured into his throat, nipped at his earlobe.

"_Lex_," it finally came to him. Not good to fuck Lex's fiance against a wall in the john of a drag bar where anyone could see. Lex would kill him. Stick a Kryptonite knife in his back and Clark would let him because he would deserve it.

"Mmmmm, Lex. Lex fucks like a god. You want to watch him fuck me?"

"_Yes_," hissed out of him, his mind completely turned to mush. He wrapped his arms around her, her face buried in his chest, and flew. They were at the penthouse before she could look up. They were standing in _his_ room. Lex's room with Lex's bed and _Lex_ lying half naked in a tangle of sheets only a few feet away. Lois looked around with confusion painted across her face. Clark pressed a finger to his lips and pointed at the figure sprawled across the bed. A nod and a devious look told him that she understood the plan.

They crept up to the bed, one on each side. Lex twitched when the bed dipped down on either side, but didn't wake until a hot mouth claimed his. He sighed into the vodka soaked wetness when a hand stroked him through the thin material of his pajama pants tented by the vivid wet dream he assumed he was having. Perhaps he wasn't quite awake, his body reacting on instinct to the kiss and the caress, because he started, roused instantly when he turned his head and looked into Clark's eyes. Clark's eyes green with envy and want and _lust_. Clark's hand on his cock, stroking it, getting it ready for Lois. Lois who was sucking his neck and straddling his chest.

"Clark?"

"_Lex_"

"What the fuck?"

"I want you to fuck Lois for me."

"What the fuck?"

"No. I want you to suck him for me, Clark."

"What the fuck?!"

"I want you to suck his cock until he is begging to come and then he can fuck me and you can watch."

Before Lex got a satisfactory answer as to what the fuck was going on the ability to care was stolen from him. Clark wrapped his lips around the head of Lex's half hard cock and sucked it, licked it, teased it with his tongue. Lois was kissing Lex again as his hips bucked, trying to get more, as if he needed more like he needed oxygen. Clark almost drooled from the flavor of precum beading on his tongue. Clark's hand rested on pale hips and his tongue on the tender skin where groin met thigh and Lex's hard, dusky cock grazed his slightly rough cheek. Clark licked the shaft and mouthed along the delicate sac of Lex's balls and then his tongue flat and hard along the blue vein on the underside of the Lex's cock, _Lex_'_s cock_, until he reached the head and sucked the whole thing in his mouth.

Clark was in heaven, Lex's cock in his mouth like it was meant to be there, always meant to be in his mouth. He suckled it like a hungry babe and then hard, let it slide down his throat and swallowed. Hard length of it caressed the back of his throat and the taste of it drove him insane. So perfect, not like the river water he had been pulled out of a lifetime ago, but like the spicy musk smell of the empty bottle of soap and something indefinably Lex. God, Lex was in his mouth, bucking and moaning and gasping for breath, calling his name like a prayer, like a dying man calling for angels to take him away. Every drop of devotion in Clark's body poured out of his face, his body, his soul when he looked up into Lex's lust-drunk eyes, imbued his very saliva with it to coat Lex in his love, knew he would never get the chance again. Clark never wanted to stop, but Lois would be mad if he took away her fun, so he pulled off with a slow slurp and a kiss on the wet head.

He watched Lois grab the shaft viciously and plunge down on top of it, burying it inside her. Watched as Lex bucked, rutted up into her, into the wet heat that had wrapped around his fingers like a glove in the ladies' room. Clark's mouth bereft of the perfect feeling of Lex's cock sucked mercilessly on his fingers instead. As Lois ground down on Lex and dragged her perfect breasts across the skin of Lex's perfect chest, the sound of their bodies slapping together was almost louder than his incoherent moaning at the sight. He watched her ride Lex hard through her orgasm, keep grinding and find another quickly, but he held on because he never wanted this to stop.

Clark wanted to come just from the sounds and the smells and the silk of his dress still caressing the hardness leaking on it, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to rub himself off against Lex's ass while _Lex_ fucked Lois into the wall in the john at the drag bar, but they were in bed and there was no room for Clark. His hands slid under the shimmering fabric that had taunted him all night and stroked himself hard, in time with every thrust Lex made up into _Lois_' welcoming body. He was so swollen it was almost painful, engorged beyond his tolerance. He whimpered. It would never be enough. He kissed Lex, rocked into his own hands and stained his dress beyond repair.

The beat of his heart in his chest became erratic when Lex lost his tenuous control, bucked wildly for a second and came moaning Clark's name into his mouth. Lois screamed and collapsed, fell asleep fast on Lex's chest. Lex, who probably still didn't know what the fuck was going on, fingered sweat damp curls around Clark's temples and slipped back into sleep. Clark lay still, watched them sleep for a moment before sadness swept over him so strong he had to leave. The momentary sobriety it afforded him got him to his room before for the nausea took him over.

Loud belch followed by a river of vodka and bile and the flavor of Lex flowing out of him. This time it wasn't the alcohol making him sick. His stomach twisted in knots for the loss of something he never had and tears mixed with the vomit in the toilet. Every sob brought heaving with it until he fell asleep with his head pillowed on cold porcelain and his body blanketed in a pool of jade green silk.

* * *

Sleep brought with it a barrage of nightmare imagery that woke him with a jolt. He floated a few feet toward his bedroom, but the roil of his stomach convinced him that walking was a better choice. He shucked the stained gift from his body with a rustle of silk and left it in a heap on the floor. He pulled on his pajamas and crawled into his bed like a zombie and prayed to sleep dreamlessly.

Cotton mouth and the salt crust in the corner of his eyes were the first things that filled his awareness. He wanted water and coffee and an entire bottle of Listerine. After brushing his teeth he wandered into the kitchen to start the coffee pot. The rich smell of Columbian roast wafted through the air, scent alone enough to make him alert. He wanted nothing more than to forget everything about last night but the image of blue eyes glazed over with lust was burned into his retinas, the heavy weight of his fantasies made real lingered in his mouth and the sound of Lex moaning his name still rang in his ears.

A twisted sense of relief filled him when he heard cries for help that could only be a job for Superman. The ash and smoke billowing from the burning apartment building thankfully covered the smell of sex that still clung to his skin. Eventually the ghost arms wrapped around his neck became the frantic, frightened arms of the residents he saved before he smothered the blaze with an icy breath. The steel framework groaned under the strain of temperature extremes before collapsing spectacularly into a pile of rubble.

Spared from the awkwardness of seeing Lois or Lex by the misfortune of others, Clark thanked what ever god looked after aliens while he scrubbed soot from his body in the hot shower. The spicy scent of the body wash had lost its appeal sometime in the night, so he lathered his body with the last bar of rough Lava hiding under his sink. Perhaps the old familiar soap could cleanse him of the guilt that sullied his soul along with the sweat and dirt of his day's activity.

* * *

By some unspoken agreement they all avoided the topic of the bachelorette party and its aftermath. The easy repartee the three of them had enjoyed since Clark's return from the fortress turned to strained silence. Being in the penthouse was almost intolerable. Clark almost looked forward to the wedding and the subsequent move. _Almost_. Almost, because a pang of resigned despair reverberated through his chest whenever he thought about Lex moving out. He would gladly suffer the stilted conversations and averted gazes the rest of his life if only Lex would stay here with him. But perhaps it would be better with time and separation. Distance might be just the balm needed to sooth the hurts he had unintentionally inflicted on their relationship.

He and Lois gave each other a wide berth at the office on Monday. When Clark came back from lunch on Tuesday to find a photograph of himself in floor length green silk raising a highball glass framed on the corner of his desk, his first though was that Lois was a dead woman. But when he looked over his monitor at Lois his heart sank. The blood had drained from her face and she was holding a framed photo of her own. A quick flip to x-ray revealed it to be a picture of her sitting on his silk clad lap with a cigarette hanging from her lips.

Jimmy. Jimmy was a dead man. Jimmy and his ever fucking present camera. _That slimy little cocksucker_. Clark flushed violently. Of the two of them Clark was the only one that he knew had sucked cock for certain. That thought diffused him a little. When the photocopies of a picture of Clark kissing one of the drag queens on the cheek showed up taped to every door on the newsroom floor and in the elevators the next day, he nearly had a temper tantrum. He was so not inviting Jimmy to move in after the wedding. On Thursday when the gossip crew sent up a fake society page with the headline "Luthor Bride Caught in Lesbian Affair" with the picture of Lois on his lap, he had to physically restrain her to keep her from ripping Cat's hair out.

"Touchy, touchy," Cat tutted as the elevator doors began to close with Clark holding Lois inside. "Better keep your girlfriend in line, Miss Kent."

"That fucking cunt!" Lois screamed and shook herself out of Clark's arms. She kicked the metal door viciously. "That smug fucking cunt!"

"Lois," Clark whispered, ears burning from her language, but sharing her sentiment.

"She is just a jealous little bitch that has it out for me because I get to cover real news," Lois seethed.

"Maybe you should calm down a little before we go back to the newsroom."

"I'm fine. I can be a goddamn professional. I don't need _you_ telling me how to behave."

"Whatever. Scratch her eyes out for all I care."

"Don't you dare take that fucking tone with me, Kent."

"Leave it alone, Lois."

The elevator opened and Clark strode out into the chaos of the bullpen without looking back to see if she was following him. They didn't speak for the rest of the day. When he got home, Clark slammed the door to his bedroom so hard the wood splintered, but Lex didn't come in to see what's wrong. Suddenly it was Friday morning and Clark hadn't seen Lex since Monday. Clark wanted to talk to him before the rehearsal dinner, but apparently Lex had already gone to work by the time Clark got up. His calls went straight to Kathy, or maybe her name was Katie. Clark could never keep Lex's secretaries straight.

Lois was a different story all together. She had that stubborn look set on her face, and though he knew it was useless to resist her he attempted to anyway. She grabbed him by the tie and dragged him into an interview room. He could have gotten away, he was Superman after all, but she would make him pay later. She motioned for him to sit while she locked the door and closed the mini-blinds.

She opened with, "I have had enough of this, Kent."

"I don't know what you are talking about, Lois," Clark played his old reliable get out of telling the painfully obvious truth free card.

"Don't give me that bullshit. I want to talk to you about my bachelorette party. I want to talk to you about what happened after everyone left. I know what you are hiding, Clark."

"What ever you think you know, Lois, it doesn't matter. I will never do anything like that again, I swear."

"Did you think I wouldn't notice? I really don't know how I missed it as long as I did. I mean it explains why you are always brushing off dates in the middle of dinner if nothing else. Have you told Lex? Of course not, what am I thinking, he would have told me if he knew _that_."

"Lois, please, you can't tell Lex that I'm in love with him."

"You're what?!"

"Please don't mess with me about this. I'm sorry about the bachelorette party. I was drunk and I've wanted him for so long and then you offered and I just couldn't say no and I'm so sorry that I messed up but please, please don't tell him." He had learned long ago that begging worked with her.

"You are in love with Lex Luthor, my Lex Luthor, the man I am marrying in less than twenty four hours?"

"You won't tell him, will you?" Waves of misery washed off him, tinged with the tiniest bit of hope that she wouldn't irreparably destroy his most important friendship with this.

"Jesus Fucking Christ. This migraine just keeps getting better and better. You two are going to give me an aneurism."

"Please, Lois. You have to promise me. I could never look him in the eyes again, we could never just hang out and be friends again and it's all I have left of him. Please, you can't take him away from me."

"Clark, I'm not going to say anything to him, but you should. He might surprise you."

"It doesn't matter. He loves _you_ and you make him happy and you're getting married tomorrow. I want him to be happy. The only thing him knowing would change is that he would be uncomfortable around me or start shoving interns at me again. I just want things to be the way they've always been."

"What if that isn't possible?"

"Then I die miserable and alone with my twenty seven cats."

"You are such a fucking drama queen."

"Promise me."

"I promise I won't tell my fiance that you are in love with him. Now, is there something else you want to tell me?"

"Thank you?"

"Something about how we got from Khal's to the penthouse in the time it took me to blink?"

"Um, you were drunk?"

"Try again."

"Well you were."

"You have one last chance to tell me the truth before I go down into the LexCorp vaults and bring back out some shiny green rocks."

"I'm Superman?"

"No, really, you don't say, Clark. I'm shocked. How have you managed to keep this from Lex the whole time you have been living together?"

"Um." He looked down at his feet in a lame attempt at obfuscation.

"You are fucking kidding me. He knows and he didn't tell me."

"I made him promise not to tell," he whispered low, meaning dripping from every word. _He didn_'_t tell_, _you can_'_t either_.

"I am going to be his wife!"

"We would have told you, eventually."

"I bet. Right after you both had a good laugh at my expense. I can't believe you let me go around mooning over Superman all these years. And then you let me think all that was about me, before, when you lost your goddamn mind, that you were jealous over me and I believed it! *Of *me. You were jealous _of_ me all that time. I can't believe I was so stupid. I thought, I thought you loved me and all this time it was Lex and you never loved me did you?"

"I'm so sorry."

Mascara ran down her face as she swiped her eyes, walked through the door and slammed it. Clark was left alone in the still, dark room. He laid his head down on the table in a cradle of his arms and shook, willing the tears welling in his eyes away. The shuddering shell of his body felt empty with out his heart in it. Lex and Lois would be married tomorrow. Movers would be coming to steal their belongings away from him while they were off on their honey moon. Lois hated him. Nothing with Lex would ever be the same. Any sobs that happened to escape his lips were swallowed by the wide gulf of silence that had filled the room.

* * *

The penthouse was dark when he got home. Had Lex gone on to the rehearsal dinner with out him? A quick scan of the apartment told him that Lex was in fact home, sitting in his room, drinking in the dark. This was not a good sign. The last time Clark had found Lex drinking in the dark the day before his wedding the bride had just called it off. Of course it would have worked out much better if she had stayed away instead of trying to kill Lex on the honeymoon in a plane crash, but Clark was fairly certain Lois wouldn't stoop to attempted murder.

"You look like shit, Lex." And he did. Dark circles under his eyes, skin practically translucent in places. The way his shirt hung off his shoulders it looked like he hadn't eaten in days. Glass of scotch in his hand and a three quarters empty decanter on the end table by his elbow did not bode well. Not good.

"Why thank you, Clark. I am wallowing in self pity. Care to join me?"

"Sure. I know why we are pitying me. Why are we pitying you?"

"You told Lois."

"In all fairness she figured it out on her own when I flew us home after the bachelorette party."

"You told Lois and now she is leaving me."

"I'm so sorry, Lex."

"Are you in love with her?"

"No."

"Does she know that?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand why she left me."

"She'll probably come back. She just needs to vent some times."

"She cut her hair before she barged past Katie into my office and bitched me out for not telling her about you."

"But she was growing it out for the wedding! She was pretty mad when she left me, but I really thought she was just mad at me. I told her that I made you promise not to tell. I'm sorry." Lois wasn't coming back. Clark knew it, just like Lex did.

"She said unrequited love was no reason to get married. She said it would just be another lie."

"But I know that she loves you. You make each other happy."

"She loves me, but she's not _in love_ with me. That's all you. Superman, Clark Kent, she doesn't care. Everything would be in a nice, neat little package if you loved her, too. Then I could just wallow in self pity forever and have no reason to come back at all."

"But I don't. I've never been in love with her, not even a little. She has only ever been just my friend and I don't think she really even wants that honor at this point."

"I love her, Clark." Voice weak, resigned.

"I know, Lex." It was like a knife twisting in his heart, but he knew it. Lex lost that lonely edge he had honed for years when he and Lois were together.

"I love her but I'm too tired to argue with her. I haven't slept all week. Not since the two of you woke me up in the middle of the night."

"I'm so sorry about that."

"You were gone when I woke up. I thought maybe I dreamed it, but then you avoided me and you could barely stand to talk to me and then I knew it was real."

"I just, I just didn't know what to say. `Sorry I blew you and watched you have sex with your fiance a week before your wedding while I masturbated next to you' just doesn't flow off the tongue like some things."

"Did you fuck her before you came home?"

"No. We were fooling around a little, but we didn't have sex."

"Why not?"

"I said your name. She said that you fucked like a god and asked if I wanted to watch you fuck her."

"And you said yes."

"That's when I flew us home."

"And you did it when she told you to suck me."

"It seemed like the thing to do at the time?"

"Do you have any idea how insane that made me?"

"Um, sorry?"

"I can't stop thinking about it, about your lips wrapped around my cock. Perfect little cocksucker mouth."

"Oh god, _Lex_." Blood immediately flowed away from Clark's brain, leaving him at a severe disadvantage in the conversation.

"I can't let myself sleep because all I dream about is you swallowing me, sucking me."

Clark was kneeling in front of Lex in a split second, kissing him, claiming Lex with his tongue. Crystal and scotch fell to the floor. Lex was leaning forward into the kiss, his hands tangled in Clark's hair. Clark moaned and ran a hand down the front of the black wool pants hiding Lex's erection. He tried for finesse, but got impatient and ended up ripping away the wool and silk that stood between him and his prize. He stroked it for a second, loving the heft of it in his hand, feeling it swell.

All he wanted in the world was to suck Lex's cock for the rest of his life. He loved the smell of it, the taste of it, the feel of it in his mouth. He pulled away from the kiss to dip down and taste. He swirled his tongue around the head and sucked it in. Lex's hands still tangled in his hair while Lex's mouth made broken little whimpers every time he bobbed his head up and down the shaft. Nothing in the world could ever compare to sucking cock. Lex's cock. Lex was making little bucking motions with his hips. Clark wrapped his hands around Lex's goddamn perfect ass and pulled Lex in as he thrust.

The broken noises started sounding more like pain than pleasure. They were punctuated by little sobs and tears streamed from tightly closed eyes. Clark swallowed Lex over and over, Lex bucking wildly now, fucking Clark's mouth in earnest. Clark stared up at Lex, willing him to come. The pretty mouth he adored with the perfect little scar was twisted in a grim rictus, marring his beautiful face. Clark wanted to tell him to let go, that everything would be okay, that they could work it all out, but he would have to stop sucking to do that.

Clark moved a hand to gently squeeze at naked balls, rolled them in his palm. He felt them tighten, draw up inside themselves just a bit. Lex had to come soon. The moans and the sobbing were too much for Clark. He would have to stop soon, just to take away the pained expression distorting the beloved face into something from a nightmare. Clark's worst nightmare was that he couldn't save Lex, had to watch him die in pain. He swirled his tongue up over the leaking, weeping head and pressed down with his thumb on the sensitive bit of skin between the balls and the puckered skin of his opening.

Lex cried out his name and came down his throat and it was so much better than he had ever imagined. Hot and bitter and just like the little beads he had licked off the head before but so much more. Perfect and he wanted it all. Suckled the softening cock in his mouth until there wasn't a drop left. He lifted his face and licked his lips, savoring the last taste of Lex like a too small dessert in a fancy restaurant.

The next moment Clark was lying on his back being kissed savagely by Lex, fingers still caught in his hair, body slammed into Clark's aching hard-on just right. He moaned and rocked up into the hot body attacking his. God, he wanted this. So bad and he couldn't quite care that Lex had the look of a crazed animal glinting madly from his eyes or that it wasn't about love, only comfort. He would give anything to Lex, even something that would sear his soul when he thought about it later. _God_, _so good_. So good he almost didn't notice when a hand slipped from his hair and started unbuttoning his trousers.

Tumble of bodies, limbs flying everywhere and Clark was on top, holding Lex's hands against the rug above his head. Kissed Lex with a passion born of a thousand nights fantasizing and a thousand days filled with the certainty of rejection. Kissed Lex's tears away and ground into his writhing body. Kissed till he was sure Lex would blackout from lack of oxygen.

"Clark, let me touch you," Lex gasped with a tremor in his voice.

More kisses and Lex's hands still firmly pinned to the floor.

"Please, Clark. Need to touch you, need to see you."

Scarred mouth smothered with swollen lips, stealing away the breath needed to plead for more.

"Waited for this so long. _Please_."

"Lex, love you, love you, love you."

"I can make it so good for you if you let me touch you, so much better with out clothes on. Fuck you. Let you fuck me. Let me touch you."

Clark stifled his mouth again with his tongue, searching for a way to make this okay, have this be enough for both of them because it had to be. Couldn't think of anything. Kept grinding down into Lex, making desperate noises, trying to tell Lex with his body that he loved him, that just this was more than he ever expected. Want for more leaked out of him with his sweat and his saliva and finally his cum. Floated lightly on Lex's chest panting, let Lex's hands go to pet his hair and caress his back. Lay like that for a few minutes before Lex was demanding again.

"Clark, I want to see you."

"Mmmph."

"Roll over and help me get your pants off. You can't be comfortable in them like that."

Lex pushed him off and he couldn't quite control the float in his sanguine state. Mistake. Worse mistake when Lex reached for his zipper and Clark _flinched_. He didn't mean to, it was just an involuntary flinch followed by a hasty swipe of his hands to bat Lex's hand away. Lex recoiled like his hand was burned.

"Pity fuck."

"Huh?" Clark's mind hadn't recovered yet, lethargy robbing him of the ability to follow what was happening.

"Lois told you, didn't she, and you wanted to make me feel better, save me like you always do and things just got carried away, right, and now you're sorry again, just like you always are?" Lex spat it out like the accusation it was.

"What? No, wait." Lex was already on his feet and half way across the room before comprehension dawned on Clark.

"Well I don't want your fucking pity and I don't need any of your goddamn pretty lies." It felt to Clark like the temperature in the room had just dropped twenty degrees.

"Lex, no. I wouldn't do that. I love you. I've been in love with you since I was a kid." Now he was the one pleading.

"Get the fuck out of my room, Kent." Command in Lex's voice cold and final and it shattered Clark's heart into a million pieces just like the crystal glass Lex threw at his head.

* * *

Clark didn't stop running until he was standing in the kitchen of the buttery yellow farm house looking for his mother. But she wasn't there. She and his dad would be arriving in Metropolis for Lex's wedding any minute now. He knew he should go back, meet them and explain that the wedding was off. He knew he should, but he couldn't. He picked up the phone to call his parent's cell phone, but found he couldn't even begin to explain, words dying on his lips before anyone even answered.

Cold cum drying in his pants was all the incentive he needed to take a shower. He pulled on a pair of his old sweat pants, briefly thanking god that his mother never threw anything away. He stared at the ceiling from his childhood bed. This was the bed that played host to his first fantasies of Lex, over a decade ago when he was a stupid under-aged kid with an inappropriate crush on his older friend. He couldn't stay there.

Every place in Smallville in some way reminded him of Lex. The barn was out of the question. Too many people in town. No one at the castle, but again, out of the question. His parents were the only ones left here that he could run to. They would be back tomorrow, he was sure, but he didn't want to be alone. He flew to Antarctica in his red Smallville High Athletic Department sweat pants and nothing else. If he couldn't have one mother, he'd have the other.

"Welcome home, Kal-El."

"Lara," he prepared to make his customary demand that she make him human, but the words stuck in the back of his throat. He couldn't take another rejection today.

"You are distressed. Tell me what has disturbed you."

"_Lex_," he said as if that one word encapsulated everything that was wrong in the world.

"You are upset that Lex-Luthor has chosen another as mate, as you were when last you were here."

"She left him."

"I do not understand, Kal-El. Should this not make you happy?"

"He thinks I don't want him because I wouldn't let him touch me. He thinks, it doesn't matter what he thinks because he will never want to speak to me again."

"Why do you fear intimacy with Lex-Luthor? He knows what you are and has never feared you. If any human can accept you as you are it is Lex-Luthor. He is an appropriate mate."

"I can't. I can't stand even thinking about it. Lara, I'm _deformed_. I would rather never see him again than see his face when he sees how disgusting I am."

"You will not speak such things to me, Kal-El. You are perfectly formed. You are of Krypton, not Earth. To use the human standard of perfection is absurd. Lex-Luthor knows this."

"He doesn't know all of it."

"You create your own misery, Kal-El. You condemn him before he has had the opportunity to commit offense and you suffer for it."

"What am I supposed to say, Lara? `Hey, Lex, you know how I'm a freaky alien from outer space? Well, I have freaky alien _equipment_ to go along with the superpowers.' That'll go over well."

"I offer you a gift to ease your pain, Kal-El. Close your eyes and let me into your mind. Show Lex-Luthor what he wishes to see, tell him what he wishes to know, and if he disappoints you take away his memory of it. I will show you how."

"Why are you only telling me this now? Do you know how many times I could have used that?"

"The minds of humans are fragile and the potential for damage is great. I would not wish the guilt of destroying a mind on you, my son. Use the knowledge I give you with great care."

As Clark closed his eyes, Lara entered his mind. Warmth enveloped him as she activated the parts of his brain needed to produce the memory erasing hormone. She gave him the knowledge needed to use it selectively, not wipe the entire mind clean, but remove only the specific incidents he deemed necessary to erase. The subtlety required to remove memories of pain without taking away the experience or what was learned, without leaving gaps that would cause distress took some time to impart. She held him suspended in a deep coma for three days.

* * *

The penthouse was a disaster when Clark returned. It looked like the aftermath of a tornado. It was quite possible that every breakable object in the entire apartment was lying shattered on the floor. He looked in Lex's room on the off chance that he was still there. No Lex, but it looked like a small fire centered on the bed had set off the sprinkler system. The only part of the room that had escaped destruction was the walk in closet. The array of perfectly pressed suits, pristine shirts and shiny shoes lined up by color and length the only evidence that the source of the damage was not a force of nature. One might describe Lex as a force of nature, but still.

Hovering over the floor seemed the safest option given the debris covering nearly every surface as he made his way to his bedroom. The poor suede sofa was ripped open and stuffing bled from the deep gashes. God, he would never be able to replace the entire contents of his home. Lex hadn't had a temper tantrum this bad since his dad bugged his office in the castle back in Smallville. Not even when he got sent to anger management for bashing that meter maid's car. And he was sure it was Lex. Lois might still have access to the penthouse, but it wasn't public enough humiliation to be her style. This had Lex written all over it.

His heart skipped a beat when he entered his room. Lex was curled into a ball in the center of his bed holding the green silk dress like a baby blanket, sleeping. Clark wanted to cradle Lex in his arms and kiss him awake and whisper that everything would be alright. He made it to the bed and slid in behind Lex, wrapped his arms around the pale body still wearing the ripped wool pants and woven shirt he had worn when Clark left him. The sleeping form relaxed into his embrace and he was almost so relieved he forgot about the mess.

Directly in the line of sight of the bed sat the painting he had intended to give Lex as a wedding gift, unwrapped and otherwise intact. Unlike everything else in the room. Broken mirror, ransacked drawers, clothing strewn everywhere, shattered glass in every picture frame. Not much else in Clark's Spartan room to give fodder to Lex's orgy of property damage. Clark gave up assessing every rip and smashed item and fell asleep with Lex in his arms.

* * *

"Clark?"

"Go back to sleep Lex."

"What are you doing here?"

"You mean in _my_ bed? I live here. Or I did before hurricane Lex hit."

"You left me."

"You told me to."

"Since when do you listen to me?"

"Freak occurrence. Never happen again."

"Why did you come back?"

"I love you, or were you too busy loosing your mind to listen to what I was saying?"

"You love me?"

"Yep."

"You weren't just trying to make me feel better because Lois told you that I've been desperately in love with you forever and thought I could never have you and then she left me the day before the wedding?"

"Nope."

"Then why?"

"Let me ask you a few questions before I answer that."

"Fine. So long as it isn't a distraction technique."

"What do you know about marsupials, Lex?"

"Did I not just say something about random questions designed to distract from the issue?"

"Just answer the question, tantrum boy."

"Marsupials: Class of mammals distinguished from placental and monotreme mammals by use of an egg sack in the womb and short gestation periods followed by extended periods in pouches where the females carry the partially developed embryos until they are self sufficient. Examples include kangaroos, wombats, and Koala bears. Mainly found in Australia and surrounding islands, most species live in the southern hemisphere. Only native northern hemisphere species is the opossum. Are we done with Final Jeopardy yet?"

"What did you do, read the encyclopedia for fun as a child?"

"Don't mock my reading habits. You asked."

"Did you know that female marsupials have two completely separate wombs?"

"No, that is fascinating, Clark. So glad you brought it up _right now_."

"And did you know that they have two vaginas, too?"

"No. I suppose that the male marsupials appreciate the convenience of two options. Are you going somewhere with this?"

"Actually the male marsupial uses them both at the same time."

"Really. How is that?"

"Well, you see, their penises are shaped like a tuning fork with one prong for each vagina."

"Makes sense to me. Still looking for the relevance to this conversation, though."

"You know how the people on Krypton looked just like humans?"

"Yes."

"As it turns out, not so much."

"What are you trying to tell me, Clark?"

"It turns out that anatomically speaking they had a lot in common with the indigenous species of Australia."

"And this is what? Some incredibly fucked up way of telling me that you have a-"

"Two pronged cock."

"If this is a joke to cover up for the fact that you and Lois ran off to Las Vegas and got married over the weekend it isn't funny."

"I sooooo wish that was it."

"Let me see."

"Promise me you won't laugh."

"How the hell can I promise something like that? I am about two seconds away from hysteria right now."

"Fine, but if you freak out I am erasing your memory."

"Can you do that?"

"Lara taught me how while I was gone, but I really don't think you want to be my guinea pig on this one. Remember how crazy it drove you when you lost those seven weeks back in Smallville?"

"Point taken. Off with your pants."

Clark slowly stripped the red sweat pants from his body, leaving him completely naked in front of another person for the first time since he reached sexual maturity. He clamped his eyes shut tight, still unwilling to look at Lex's reaction to his freakish anatomy. He covered his face with his arms because he could still feel the heat of Lex's regard through the meager protection of his eyelids. He had never been so nervous in his entire life. Had he been a puppy, he would be peeing on the floor right about now.

"Was it always like this?"

"No. Thank god, or I would still be a freakish virgin."

"So when? How?"

"Right around the time I graduated college. Surely you noticed the abrupt drop off in my social calendar."

"Actually, I was a little worried that it was because I teased you about being a `Super Freak' so much."

"That didn't help."

"So did you just wake up like this one day?"

"Yes and no. The skin right there started getting really sensitive at first. Then my cock started to ache all the time. Not in a good way, just in a painful way. And it itched. Then the skin started getting real thin, like parchment and peeling off. I felt like I was molting or something. I didn't know what was going on. I mean it could have been some kind of weird venereal disease or something but it wasn't like I could just go to the doctor. After a few weeks I could see a seam down the middle through the skin. I totally freaked out so I flew down to Antarctica to visit Lara and she got all excited. Apparently it was some kind of rite of passage on Krypton, sexual maturity Lara calls it. Like I wasn't a man until all the skin started sloughing off my dick. And then when it finally just ripped out of the skin that was left I thought for sure I was going to die from the pain."

"Where the fuck was I when all this was going on and why didn't you just tell me?"

"You were getting married, remember? You were so busy with all the hoopla that you didn't even miss me. And then you were busy playing house and then you were seeing that movie star on the side and then you were getting divorced and it just never seemed like the right time."

"Fine, I'll give you the time when my love life was taking over everything, but what about the four years since I've been living here with you. Are you really trying to tell me that there wasn't any time to tell me something that important in the last four years?"

"I didn't want you to leave. I was so happy having you here, and not just because you'd been my own personal walking wet dream since the tenth grade. I liked the fantasy that one day we'd be more than just friends and I didn't want to have that taken away by your being as disgusted by my body as I am."

"I'll admit it wasn't on my list of top ten most attractive qualities, but did you honestly think that anything about you could possibly disgust me?"

"You are basing this supposition on facts not in evidence. You showed absolutely no interest in me. Plus, you married _girls_. _Three girls_. And when you cheated on the last girl you married it was with a _girl_. The entire time you have lived with me you have only ever brought _girls_ home. You have not dated a single guy in the entire time I have known you. For me to be willing to chance a reduction in desire I would have to know that there was something there to reduce already."

"Clark, everyone who has ever seen me look at you could tell that I want you. Why do you think your dad hated me so much when you were in high school?"

"You look at everyone that way. You look at little old ladies and bottles of water that way. It was very confusing for me. No one else ever looked at me that way back in Smallville."

"You don't pay enough attention."

"Focus on the girls, Lex."

"You can't get enough of what you don't want. You are all I have wanted since I met you. You were too young at first and then when you got to college you went through _girls_ like Kleenex." Clark sniffed loudly. It wasn't like he had had a new girl every ten seconds like _some people_. The number of girls he slept with in college had only been a normal, healthy number. He just wanted to see what all the fuss was about, not sample the entire class of 2009 like some people seemed to be indicating.

While Clark's mind wandered Lex continued talking, "I'm not a monk, so celibacy was out. Getting married again was a mistake, obviously. But you never gave me any indication that you wanted me as anything more than a friend. When you were sucking me off the other night was the first time it ever occurred to me that you _might_ possibly be interested in me like that. Just the possibility of it drove me crazy. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I didn't know what the hell was going on."

"Have you some how missed the level of insane obsessive behavior I have been displaying since you started seeing Lois?"

"I thought it was about her. I thought you wanted her, that you were jealous."

"I was jealous. I was hideously green-eyed-monster-coming-to-eat-your-children jealous. It's just that I was jealous _of_ her."

"It was so hot thinking about you wanting her. It was almost like you wanted me."

"You doofus, I did want you."

"Can I touch it?"

"Why?" Clark asked miserably. He didn't need to open his eyes to know what Lex was looking at. Flaccid, his dick looked creepy enough, sort of like the flatworm he and Pete had sliced down the middle in sophomore biology that had just grown two heads instead of dying, but half hard as he was even through the humiliation the stupid thing took on more definition. If he got really hard it would look just like a field goal post jutting up from the end-zone of his pubic hair. One time when he was bored he actually made a tiny paper football and tried to flick it in between the posts for a two point conversion.

"Why did you want to touch mine?" _Who the hell wouldn_'_t want to touch that perfect cock_? _Or suck it_, _lick it_, _feel it inside them_.

"Freak."

"Alien."

"Fine."

Despite the continued assertion that Lex did in fact want him, Clark was still nervous as hell. He kept his eyes closed and left his arms draped over his face where they were. The first thing he felt was a light, tentative touch that pulled away almost immediately. Then a caress, equally light but lingering this time before disappearing. When he felt a hand grasp him hard on the lower part of his cock where it was still just a shaft, every muscle in his body tensed up. When the stroking started on the right side above the split he forgot how to breathe. He was insecure and nervous and filled painfully with hope and anticipation. His cheeks burned under his forearms. He felt like he might throw up or float or cry. He had never wanted anything more in his life.

As the stroking continued his arousal won out over the other sensations assaulting his body. He knew that the deformity of his cock was more obvious the harder he got but he couldn't stop it now if he tried. Lex was touching him, not recoiling in disgust or anything else he had feared so long. Lex had seen it and still wanted him. Or at least he was curious, which was remarkably similar when it came to Lex. So, yeah, hard. Very hard, very fast.

Hands on both sides now and it was and wasn't like when he did this himself. Twenty thousand times more sensation, awareness of every touch. He still couldn't look. But, oh god, he could feel. Fingers touched him everywhere, exploring the alien territory. He felt stroking down the shafts, but other places, too. Clark whimpered rather more loudly than he would have liked when he felt fingers caressing the skin where the two met. Moaned when he felt it again. Thought he would die right there when something warm and wet teased the joint.

Hot mouth encasing one side and a strong hand jerking the other shut down his mind. _Lex_. Fuck, suction, hips shaking, wanted nothing more than to thrust, rub, grind, rut, fuck. _God_, _let this be real_. He moaned Lex's name over and over like it was his last link to sanity. Had to hold on, couldn't. His arms flew away from his face. He looked down and came hot and wet over the fist holding him, into the scarred mouth sucking him with a name on his lips. _Lex_.

Clark watched Lex suck his cum drenched fingers between his perfectly flawed lips and shuddered. Pink tongue darted out to clean the digits, caressed them and Clark couldn't stand it any more. He pounced on Lex, kisses rained all over the smooth scalp, ears, cheeks, eyelids, chin, lips, mouth, mouth, beautiful mouth. Clever tongue invaded his mouth while he felt something in his chest burst, drenched them both in warmth. Something very like contentment.

Lex was hard and practically vibrating underneath him. Clark wanted to see everything. Not like before when he was invading private moments, but by invitation. And Lex was clearly inviting him, practically begging with eyes dilated black. Clark slowly removed every stitch of clothing covering Lex like gift wrap your mother might want to use again next year. Lex never moved to stop him, or help him, just lay there as if paralyzed or possibly mesmerized by the sight of Clark undressing him. Lex always gave the perfect gifts. Clark drank in the sight. He looked so intensely that he could almost taste Lex.

And then he did. He tasted the pink nipples that peaked in his mouth and twisted up under his breath. He tasted the salt and tang of sweat long dried on Lex's skin, the same on his belly and neck and the curve of his arm. Clark inhaled the scent that was Lex, distilled and magnified on his balls and cock and ass. Tasted Lex there for minutes that seemed like hours, years, millennia. He left Lex hard, didn't suck, only tasted. Lex lay silent; all the energy that usually characterized him locked into a stillness that conveyed nothing so much as barely contained mania. Clark wanted to break him.

Their chests pressed together when Clark stretched out towards his nightstand, fumbled around with one hand and never broke eye contact. Tube of something cold and squishy in his hand made a popping noise when he opened it. The slippery cool gel on his fingers warmed as he rubbed them together. Warm slippery fingers in his ass felt lovely, but his eyes stayed locked on Lex. He was floating scant millimeters above Lex, his body positioned like a mirror image, close enough to feel the heat of each other's bodies, but not touching. Not touching anywhere but where Clark's hand wrapped around Lex's cock, slicking with each pull along its length.

Lex still hadn't moved, but his chest and belly fluttered wildly with every harsh, panted breath escaping his parted lips, his nostrils flared. Clark had the sense that every muscle in Lex's body was contracting simultaneously and that only the counterpoint muscles kept him from a state of perpetual motion. When Clark sank down onto the slick, hard cock he could see Lex break.

All at once Lex's hands were on him, yanking him down and clutching his hair. Impossibly deep kiss filled his mouth while Lex flipped him. Lex was on top of him, thrusting into him, pulling and biting at his lip. Lois was right. _Lex fucks like a god_. Every fucking thrust scraped across a place inside that made Clark blind with pleasure. Clark hasn't lost the ability to control his gifts since puberty, but he was pretty sure he hadn't meant to start floating. He couldn't see, but apparently his eyes weren't closed because the sprinklers came on and he could smell something burning.

Lex didn't stop. Water rained down on them while they made love floating over the bed. Clark didn't care. He never wanted to stop feeling Lex inside him. He could hear Lex snarl and move faster inside him in a ragged rhythm that made Clark howl. Lex ruined his manicure scraping his nails across Clark's skin, but Clark never noticed. Lex begged God and Clark loudly _Please_, _please_, _God_, _fucking Please CLARK_! and collapsed on Clark's chest. Clark kissed his skull. When Lex looked up into Clark's eyes little rivers of water ran down his face and whether the drops dangling from his ginger eyelashes were water or tears didn't matter.

* * *

Clark rolled over in the huge bed and pulled Lex up close against his chest. The buttery yellow paint on most of the walls in the new penthouse reminded him of Smallville and he smiled. With the fire and water damage in the old penthouse, it seemed perfectly reasonable that both of them should move to the shiny new building with a brick facade and a view of Clark's old dorm. They were happy here.

The state legislature was lucky to have Lex as far as Clark was concerned. Lex won by a landslide in the newly created district. He could run for congress in four years, and he would win, too. Clark still had to go to boring parties and charity events, but he had nicer suits now. Apparently Lex had seen Clark's huge empty closet as a challenge. After Lois started speaking to him again, she was very appreciative of the new wardrobe. She said she didn't have to be embarrassed to be seen in public with him anymore.

Over the fireplace hung the warped, fire damaged painting Lex had insisted on keeping. Somehow it looked right in spite of its condition. The figure of Alexander handing the wedding garland to beautiful, naked Roxane surrounded by cherubs while Hephaistion looked on in the role of best man was better this way. Clark's Alexander hadn't married the pretty girl who bought political power with the masses. Lex had married Hephaistion, his best friend and the great love of his life.

The End

**Prompt:** My challenge was marsupialism.

 

 


End file.
